


Needing a Little Time

by R_Armchair



Category: Final Fantasy XIII, Final Fantasy XIII Series
Genre: Bisexuality, F/M, Frank Discussions, Glasses, Masturbation, Podfic, Podfic & Podficced Works, Podfic Length: 2-2.5 Hours, Sexual Tension, carpentry, snow is not the village idiot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-25
Updated: 2018-07-25
Packaged: 2019-06-16 01:23:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 21,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15425949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/R_Armchair/pseuds/R_Armchair
Summary: Lightning attempts to adjust to life on Pulse. She distracts herself with work (which isn't Guardian Corps related) and family, but can she prolong the inevitable? A story about the 4 years post first game as Lightning watches Hope mature.





	1. Left

**Author's Note:**

> Though I'm using AF to mark time, this takes place post first game and ignores events from other media (except for a minor instance from the first novella). I'll also be using months to show passage of time (though they don't use the Gregorian calendar since it's all about 13s) along with various in text references. For our purposes: Purge/Fall take place in June, so that's where the calendar year begins.  
> Enjoy :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are into listening,  
> [Ch 1MP3 on Dropbox](https://www.dropbox.com/s/eaedjz5t90ugf35/NALTch1Left.mp3?dl=0)  
> I ended up reading this story a little quickly. oops :(

**Year 0AF – Left**

**July**

Of all the changes that had taken place these past weeks, the item perched on Hope’s nose appeared the most startling.  They caused his fluffy white bangs to kink at odd angles, which sweat then cemented into place. The lenses even managed to highlight his eyes to further infantilize him.

“Could you please stop staring,” he said almost mutedly.

It had not been the first time today.  He’d lost his spark by now, left only with ennui.  Needless to say, Lightning couldn’t stop.

The glasses had revealed themselves the previous morning.  He had casually pulled an oblong case out of his pants pocket. It’s not like she had never seen the box before; he regularly emptied his clothes to be laundered.  She just never realized that something so mundane was within.  She’d half expected a family heirloom.

“I told you,” he said while leafing through a _Natural Disaster Relief_ pamphlet, “that my contacts have expired already.  It’s not like I can waltz down to the doctor for a fresh pair.” 

Between the weeks on the run followed by adjustment into portable homes, enough time had passed that Hope had to pitch his old contacts lest he endanger his vision.

The boy had been sitting on one of three mattresses on the floor when he threw the pamphlet and ran his fingers through his hair.  Lightning noted that, unlike before, he slid his fingers to tuck it behind his ears exposing the frames.  The gesture seemed both suggestive yet innocent.  She paced over from the rickety card table and joined him on the mattress.  He turned to face her expectantly as she lifted a hand toward him and pinched his cheeks.  The two of them seemed to be aware that she hadn’t initially planned it.  At the last moment, her hand had short circuited and completed an entirely different action.

“Kid, I’m just wondering what else you could be hiding from me,” she said, flopping onto her back, her hands cradling her head. “I’m taking care of you from here on out. If you have any other medical needs, I have to know.” Hope almost responded when she interrupted him, “Or Snow.  If it’s a guy thing.”

Hope coughed.  “Trust me, Snow is the last person I’d have a man to man talk with.”  He slumped over, resting on his elbow. “I’m fourteen. That ship has already sailed.”

“What?” Lightning said startled. 

Strike number two of unexpected Hope-centric events.

“Wait, no. Not _that_ ship. I just meant,” the boy said blanching, then started swinging his free arm around, “puberty and those types of discussions.”

Lightning slapped his thigh in a motherly manner.  “If you say so.”

* * *

“Guess who got a job today?” Snow said, strutting between the trailers.

“You what?” Lightning said questioningly.

The family had been sitting outside.  The evening air was preferable to the unregulated heat of their home.  It had only been a few weeks since Cocoon’s fall and almost everyone had been busy adjusting to life on Pulse.  How could Snow of all people find work?

“While being a gigolo is technically a job, I doubt you should brag about it in front of your fiancé,” Hope said, plucking at blades of grass.

“Oh how quick we are to judge, little man,” Snow said, reaching to ruffle the boy’s hair.  “I am gainfully employed by the fine folks of the Human Services Department.”

Serah clapped gleefully while Lightning remained utterly confused.

“As you all know, the government is in a bit of retooling right now.  So we aren’t sure what each of our official titles will be.  But for now, I am an administrative assistant with social services.  I start tomorrow.  We’re working out of a series of tents until the actual offices are built.”

“Don’t most secretaries have some sort of degree?” Hope asked skeptically.

“You’ve wounded me, Hope.  Show of hands.  How many of us here have college degrees?  What’s this?  Just me?  That’s right.  How do you think NORA stayed afloat?  Lebreau’s food wasn’t _that_ great.  We needed some form of consistent cash flow.  Stop glaring at me, Lightning.  I’m telling the truth.  I completed my degree online while working.  Only by the time you met me I was working evenings and monster hunting with the crew during the daytime.”

“I’m so proud of you,” Serah said, enveloping him in a hug.  She had been the only one privy to this information ahead of time.

“Speaking of monsters,” Snow said, turning to Lightning, “the construction crews are having a heck of a time with monsters onsite.  They’ve been supplied with a security detail, but the poor bastards keep getting injured.  I told them I might know someone interested in a job.”

Snow winked at her.  She would never live this down, that her future livelihood would come about because of this idiot.

 

**November**

“I’m too young to have a son this rebellious,” Serah said as she rumpled Hope’s hair.

“Aren’t toddlers by definition ‘terrible?’” Lightning mocked.

“If I’m a toddler, what would that make you?” the boy shot back. 

He picked up his workbooks and stomped his way out of the trailer, making sure to glare at the women before slamming the door.

“All I suggested was he take a break.  He spends all his free time studying,” Serah said.

“He knows that, but maybe you shouldn’t play the parent card so hard,” Lightning said sliding into a chair at the table.

Snow and Serah’s custody of Hope had been a point of contention amongst the entire household.  Hope thought at 14 he’d be fine fending for himself.  The adults had completely overruled him on that point.  The only agreeable option was for Lightning to become a guardian.  The legal system, however, did not agree.  Her current freelance job was deemed both unstable and endangering.  As a single guardian, this was unacceptable.  Snow and Serah were legally married and neither had dangerous occupations.  They had submitted the marital paperwork his first day on the job.

Lightning picked up a pencil and spun it in her fingers.  She’d barely stepped in the door and she’d already managed to infuriate the boy.  She had become accustomed to his pigheadedness, but it seemed that this bout had arrived out of nowhere.  Serah slipped a piece of toast and a jar of jam in front of her.

“It’s your job,” Serah said, sliding into her own seat.

“What about it?” Lightning said, peering out the window.

“He’s worried about you.”

Lightning’s eyes settled on the boy.  He was sitting in the grass with his pile of books; the wind kept flipping the pages involuntarily.  He growled in frustration, and then glanced back at the trailer.  When his eyes met hers, she threw her upper body flat against the table.

“And you wonder why he worries,” Serah said while bursting into laughter.  Not even a glare from her sister could sway her.

“That was a fluke,” Lightning said, nonchalantly flicking crumbs off her shirt.

“What has gotten into you lately,” Serah said, resting her chin on her palm. “Not that I don’t like this new you, it’s just a surprise.”  She sighed, pleased with herself.

“Anyway, what were you bringing up my job for?” Lightning scratched her neck, and then tried to inconspicuously glance over her raised forearm.  This time, Hope smirked and gave her a little wave.

“You look equally as concerned about him is all.”

Lightning leaned back into her chair closing her eyes. “And?”

“It doesn’t take a genius to tell he barely tolerates me or Snow.  You two were attached at the hip whenever he wasn’t at school.  But now you’re out most of the day.  When you do come back, you’re covered in new scrapes.”

Serah gestured at a fresh bandage on Lightning’s bicep.

“It’s not like there are many options for a soldier that,” Lightning paused, “did… what I did.  It’s a miracle in itself that I wasn’t punished more severely.  Some of us don’t have other skills to fall back on.  Or,” she snorted, “loving, breadwinning husbands to support us.”

Lightning had meant for her rant to be mocking.  Yet it had somehow read as warm and playful.  Snow was growing on her day by day.

“You forgot ‘adoring.’  Husbands are always ‘adoring,” Serah said regally sticking her nose up in the air.  “Speaking of which,” she leaned in towards her sister, “we’ve been here months.  When are you going to go out on a date?”

“With who?” Lightning dropped Hope’s pencil.

“I don’t know.  Anyone.  Just because we live in one room doesn’t mean you have to be celibate.  We can get out of your hair for a night,” Serah said playfully winking.

Lightning let out a phlegmy sigh from deep within her throat.

“I do not need sex advice from my sister.” She cleared a spot on the table to rest her head on.  “I’ve basically met everyone in the vicinity already.  Trust me, no one catches my interest.”

She heard the door clang open.

“I think maybe I do need a break,” Hope said placing the books beside her head. 

He stroked her bangs out of her face.  She responded by defensively crossing her arms over her head.  The last thing she wanted was for him to see her embarrassed.

“So, what did I miss?” Hope leaned onto the table, lounging with his temple propped on his fist.

“Nothing,” Lightning grumbled.  Would he ever stop staring at her?

“Oh, just trying to find a girlfriend for Lightning,” Serah said.  She stood up to retrieve another piece of toast.

“Girlfriend?” Hope said hesitantly.

Lightning knew now wasn’t the time or place, but she felt the need to immediately correct the statement.

“No,” she said peeking between her arms.

“No?” Hope asked, ready to gauge her response.

“Yes and no,” Lightning finally sat up.  “I’ve only dated women so far.  But I’ve been attracted to men.”  She looked at Hope, who was now cleaning his glasses with his shirt. “I’m a difficult person to be with, you know that from experience.  Few people make the cut.”  This was not a conversation she wanted to be having with him or her sister. “But you missed the part where I told Serah that I don’t plan on dating for a long time.  At least until we’re completely settled here.”

What the hell was coming out of her mouth?  She needed to cut herself off somehow.

“News to me,” Serah said placing the snack at Hope’s usual table spot.

The boy slid into his seat and touched the bandage on Lightning’s arm.  All of her hair stood on end.

“Light, what happened this time?”

“We’ve finally moved on from administrative buildings and are onto permanent housing.  It’s a new area; a baby gorgonopsid wandered onto the property.  Easy enough for me to relocate.  He did scratch me in the process though.”  Lightning seemed unfazed, but Hope had a horrified expression. “Don’t worry.  I’ll be fine.”

She made to flick his forehead.  When he winced, she merely brushed his bangs like he had hers.

“You’re too easy to read, kid.”

“Likewise,” he said giving her a knowing smile. What he knew, she wasn’t sure.

 

**March**

“Do you ever miss them?”

The question caught Lightning off guard.  Who was this Hope had been asking about?

“Vanille and Fang, I mean.” It was a meager voice that barely eclipsed Snow and Serah’s snoring.

“Sure, I miss them as much as the next person.”

“I mean more than that.   Like an ache that is leaking out of your body like sweat.  Slowly draining you until you’re not sure it was ever there in the first place.  Until that moment when the wind kicks up, and your sweat freezes your skin and you’re in a _different_ kind of pain.” His voice hitched, trying to contain a sob that was clearly lurking in his throat.

Lightning sat up and stealthily crawled around the sleeping couple to sit next to Hope, who had his back pressed to the wall.  Once she reached him, he rested his head onto her shoulder.  The woman wasn’t sure whether to interject or just wait for him to finish. She could tell this was less about their comrades, and more about his parents. She reached around to rub his arm, but released when she felt his skin flex.

“I know I shouldn’t feel miserable.  They were never meant to be with us anyway.  But I still feel like this can’t be how it ends.”

“Hope, you have a right to your own feelings.  You don’t need to be ashamed.”

“That’s exactly the problem.” Hope paused, “I don’t feel it anymore.  It’s almost been a year and the more time passes the more I realize we never really knew them.  Not the way we know each other now.  Maybe that’s for the better.”

Lightning kissed his forehead warmly, and the tension in his muscles released.    He liquefied until his head was in her lap where she could slowly stroke him like a housecat.  His voice resumed even more quietly than before.

“I get that Vanille loved Fang.”

“Jealously is not a crime.” Lightning couldn’t help but sigh.

“Again, that’s not what I mean.” He gasped slightly as Lightning began to scratch between his shoulder blades. “Snow has Serah, you will eventually have someone, and where will that leave me?”

“Stop being such a pessimist.  You’re young.  There is plenty of time for that crap later.”

“I’m fifteen.  If not now, when?”

“I’m twenty-one. Does it look like I’m in the midst of a torrid relationship?” She was beginning to become grouchy, whether it was from exhaustion or a foreign source, she couldn’t tell. “No.  No I’m not.  But do you see me complaining? Hell no.  Because I have you guys, and I’m prioritizing my family right now.  I always will.”

Hope rolled over at the end of her tirade so that he could look up into her face.  He watched her expression soften when he stroked her cheek with the back of his fingers.

“You always know what to say,” he said, closing his eyes and falling into a restful slumber.

 

**May**

Lightning and Hope strolled amongst the newly built homes.  She wanted him to be the first person to see the house that had been built for their needs.  Three bedrooms, two restrooms, a kitchen, a dining room and a living space.  Behind it stood what appeared to be a shed.  Though it had taken almost a year for the survivors to finally leave the trailers in the midst of the Steppe, she worried that she would miss it.  If anything, she would miss the extra hours of daylight that were absent against the forest that the town butted up against.

“This is it,” she tried to say impassively as she led Hope to the stone home.

It was everything opposite of the gleaming cities of Cocoon.  It blended into the landscape in every way that the metallic mobile home had been an eyesore.  The woman’s smile betrayed her excitement about the house that she stood in front of.  Hope reached forward and squeezed her hand as quickly as he released it. She grinned and ran to fling open the door.  The interior was surprisingly modern, outfitted with more furniture than they had grown accustomed to that year.

“This is the best part,” Lightning said as she dragged the hesitant boy into the first bedroom. 

He stumbled on the threshold and his glasses almost launched off his face.  He quickly adjusted himself and shook off her grasp.

“Behold!” She threw both of her arms in the air clearly pleased with herself.

“Light,” Hope said terrified of some unspoken thing.  That lasted only a moment before she interrupted.

“I made this.  Me. I made a bed,” she was glowing with a blissful pride she hadn’t shown to anyone before. “Well of course, the carpenters helped me.  I haven’t told anyone yet, but actually I’ve been apprenticing.  Monster hunting has left me burnt out, and I was surprised at how much I enjoy this.  My first official project was this very bed.  We made it ages ago.  For the most part this is all me,” she said roughly shaking one of the posts. “I told them I had a growing teenager at home, so they made sure it was as reinforced as possible.  You couldn’t break this thing with 5 enormous men jumping on it.” 

Even though the boy had grown considerably, he was no match for her raw power.  He had no way of bracing himself when she grabbed him by the waist and threw the two of them onto the bed.

“The mattress isn’t the best. But the frame is solid.”  She sighed triumphantly; then she began to deflate into her usual demeanor.

“Did you make yourself a bed?” Hope quizzed her.

“No.  I can always make one later now that I know how.  I just felt like you needed a gift.”  She immediately sat up. “Because you’ve been doing so well in your studies.  But studies aren’t everything.” She turned away from him, focusing on the wall. “I know you hate these sorts of talks. I also know you aren’t coming to Snow about it.” She breathed in deeply. “You are not a child anymore.  You will need privacy from us.  Whether that’s to be alone…or alone with someone else.  An old mattress on the floor is incredibly uncomfortable.  Or so claims, Serah.”  Her elbows came to her knees and her face rested in her hands.

Though neither of them made eye contact, they had equally red faces.

“Okay,” Hope said diminutively.

“I’d better get going, so I can show everyone back to the house before nightfa…”  Midsentence, Hope had flung his body onto her lap in the same supplicating gesture they had both gotten used to.

“Don’t leave yet.  I haven’t thanked you,” his voiced muffled into her skirt. “This is the first time someone ever _made_ something for me.”

He took one of her hands and kissed the fingertips. “Light, thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Each of these chapters will be separate scenes on a theme (the chapter title).  
> As I was working on this, I wasn't initially sure how I wanted to go about it. Eventually I settled on doing scenes that tied into the plot as a whole...but didn't necessarily relate to each other.
> 
> Chapter 1's theme is Left.  
> scene i: Lightning feels Left Out because Hope has withheld info from her.  
> scene ii: Lightning is Left Behind. Snow gets a job before she or anyone else considers it.  
> scene iii: Left Alone: Literally- Lightning is single, and less literally- Light doesn't get custody but Serah gets a husband and child  
> scene iv: Left Behind (again) but this time addressing the idea of being survivors  
> scene V: They Left to their new home.
> 
> So, themes were tackled in various ways. Some will be direct, others subjective. Just thought this might give you insight on various choices made throughout. :P or not.
> 
> Thanks again!


	2. Growth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We meet a new character, and she manages to piss off and endear the cast. :)  
> Also, we get the ball rolling on the plot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are into listening.  
> [Ch 2 Mp3 on Dropbox](https://www.dropbox.com/s/lwx8wbk5hpb69co/NALTch2Growth.mp3?dl=0)

**Year 1AF – Growth**

**September**

The day had been surprisingly productive for Lightning.  She had completed rubbing out the finish on her latest coffee table.  It would be the third one to grace the living room. There was something alluring about the variety of styles she could complete.  Though, their ultimate appeal was how manageable they were opposed to larger furniture.  She had been admiring today’s asymmetrical masterpiece when Hope arrived home from school.

“Oh, you’re here,” the boy said nervously in the doorway.

“I do live here,” she said, propping her feet on one of the older tables.

“Am I not allowed in?  Perhaps we should have found another place to work,” a teenage girl said somewhere behind Hope.

So that had been the reason for his awkwardness.  He had brought a girl home.  Lightning wasn’t sure if she should feel excited or angry.  Everyone had been wondering if he even bothered making friends.  However, making friends and making out were entirely different situations.

“Whatever you’re thinking, Light, just stop,” he said, rolling his eyes.  “Alyssa and I were assigned a group project.”

He tossed his bag on the floor and sat down next to her.  A girl slightly younger than him, though inches taller, entered the room.  She had shoulder length blonde hair and looked gawky in the way girls in the midst of a growth spurt do.

“I’m sorry to intrude.  My name is Alyssa Zaidelle.  Hope and I were assigned a chemistry project; he claimed that his family wouldn’t mind if we worked here.”

Lightning stood and walked over to the girl.  She couldn’t tell if she was exceedingly sincere or merely trying to cover up for other intentions.

“Lightning Farron.  Pleasure to meet you.  Don’t worry.  Any friend of Hope’s is welcome here,” she said, sticking out a hand to shake.

Alyssa’s face turned pink the instant their hands met.  Well, if Hope had any ulterior motives with the girl, he didn’t stand a chance now.  Lightning glanced at him, curious if he was oblivious.  Uninterested, the boy leafed through his textbook.

“The pleasure is all mine Ms. Farron,” Alyssa said.  “Hope talks about you incessantly.  While I hadn’t believed him at the time, he’s correct.  You are the most beautiful woman in existence.”

“I never said that,” he said, rushing over.

If Alyssa’s face had been pink, his was so red it was on the verge of explosion.  Lightning lifted an eyebrow as she appraised him.

“Pardon.  He said, ‘She’s pretty for a soldier.’  But it’s common knowledge that young men rarely say what they mean in its entirety.  I came to a conclusion based on the data he gave regarding you.”

“Enough, we need to get started,” he said directing the girl to the dining room table.

Lightning smiled to herself. “I better leave you two lovebirds to your ‘project.’  I’ll be in my workshop if you need me.”

The boy groaned replying, “As long as you don’t make another table.  Pretty soon they are going to outnumber the people in the house.”

“What would you suggest then?”

“You are the only one sleeping on the floor.  Make a damn bed.”

“You plan on breaking yours?”  The corner of her lip lifted in a wicked grin.

The boy stood on his toes and whispered into her ear.

“Trust me.  You’ll be the first to know.”

She’d only meant to tease him.  He’d looked so adorable when he’d blushed earlier.  What she hadn’t expected was for him to shove it back in her face.  Something minor caught her attention in that instant.  He was growing; he’d probably overtake her height within a year.

 

**October**

Alyssa was utterly absorbed in the textbook balanced on her lap.  After three weeks, the blonde was an enigma to every family member.  She would come over on the pretense of studying with Hope.  Long after the boy had given up and was running errands, doing chores, or otherwise relaxing, the girl would remain on their couch.

Neither did her actions reflect an act of teenage seduction.  She always insisted that she and the boy work in the communal rooms of the house.  Even on days when she knew he wouldn’t be home, there she’d be knocking on the door.  On the sixth day that she visited, she had worn a fresh pixie cut.  It was an exact replica of Lightning’s current style.   She claimed to have never seen a woman with such short hair, and was relieved that such practicality was open to her sex.  By this point, Lightning couldn’t tell if the girl had a crush or simply considered her a foreign species to study.  Serah was beginning to make adjustments on groceries and hunting requests as Alyssa spent weekly dinners and all weekend meals with them.

“Kid,” Lightning said, placing her cleaned gunblade on the table.

“Hmm?” Alyssa said not remotely taking her eyes off _The Reproductive Cycle of Gigantuar and Other Asexual Creatures of Pulse._

“Kid.” Lightning repeated louder, rising from her chair at the table and walking towards the girl.

“Yes, Ms. Farron?” Alyssa said, finally dog earring a page and looking up.

“Alyssa, everyone is on a camping trip.  I am the only one here.  You and I have already eaten dinner.  I am exhausted.”  Lightning began to stroke her own forehead.

“Perhaps you should go to sleep,” Alyssa replied nonchalantly.

“What I’m trying to say,” Lightning spoke through her teeth, “is that I cannot do that until I walk you home.”

“Oh, Ms. Farron.  I am quite capable of doing that myself,” Alyssa said cocking her head then smiling.  “I would just prefer to finish this chapter first.”

There was no getting through to her.  Lightning could not understand how anyone had the patience for the girl.  What on earth compelled Hope to be friends with her?

“You and I both know that one of the guys always accompanies you.  No one will let me live if something happens to you on my watch,” Lightning said crossing her arms.

“But Ms. Farron,” Lightning noticed a slight blush blossom across the girl’s face. “If you walk me home, there will be no one to account for your safety.”

Alyssa was now thumbing the cover of her book and biting her lips.  Lightning felt irritated that anyone would question her ability to defend herself.  However, she could see genuine concern on the girl’s face where there was usually an absence of anything.  She strummed her fingers against her arm.  Clearly the girl didn’t want to leave, but asking her to stay would set a precedent.  After staying once, she feared the girl would never leave again.  This was the last thing her family needed.  Her exhaustion finally got the better of her.

“Are you positive you won’t let me walk you?” Lightning said in a last ditch effort.

“Positive,” the girl mumbled.

“Fine.  I’ll change the sheets in Hope’s room and you can stay in there.”

She left down the hallways, mentally spent and unwilling to argue any longer.

* * *

“Sweet Mother of…”

Lightning awoke to a series of expletives and one blood-curdling scream.  She grabbed her gunblade and hurled herself through Hope’s door.  Before she could assess the situation, she tumbled to the ground as Snow and Serah tried to plow through her.  Once the three came untangled, they looked up to the scene before them.

Alyssa was standing by the bed completely swaddled in her sheets, while Hope stood on the other side looking decidedly angry.  Lightning rubbed her eyes trying to wake up fully before speaking.  “Could one of you explain to me what the hell is going on?”

“This dipshit is in my bed.”  Hope pointed at Alyssa.

“Dipshit?!” Alyssa yelped before hopping in her cocoon towards the adults for safety.

Lightning caught Hope making an obscene gesture out of the corner of her eye.

“Hope!” She growled as strutted past Alyssa and towards the boy.

She had every intention of lecturing him until she reached him.  Once near, she was able to bring other things into his focus.  His drenched clothing clung to his body, his hair stuck haphazardly to his face. He was soaking wet, and now that she thought about it, her own clothes had wet blotches where she’d smacked into her siblings.  When she stroked his dripping bangs away from his eyes, he shivered under her fingertips.

“I repeat, what the hell is going on here?”

“Our trip got rained out.  As in, the tent and camp completely flooded.  We all agreed to come home,” Snow answered.

She turned to see Snow speaking behind her.  All the while her hands never left Hope, tucking errant hairs, smoothing clothing.

“I was trying to change into my pajamas when that dipshit screamed at me.  Scared the hell out of me,” Hope said glaring menacingly at the Alyssa/blanket blob.

“You can’t talk to your friends like that,” Lightning said, tilting her head trying to catch his gaze.  “Regardless of whether they surprised you or not.  Come here.”

She pulled him into a hug trying to calm him down.  His head lobbed onto her shoulder.  With their cheeks touching, she was finally positive of their temperature difference.  His shivers had nothing to do with her presence and everything to do with a fever.

“I’m sorry about all of this.  We’re usually not this terrible with overnight guests,” Serah said with a slightly panicked tone.  “Actually you’re our first.”

Lightning, at this point, had completely tuned out of the conversation and was grabbing at the clothes Hope had placed on the dresser.  Reaching blindly with one hand while keeping Hope close with the other was proving difficult.

“Sis, what are you even doing?” Snow said, left out of the mothering going on.

“Alyssa, get back to bed.  I’m taking him with me,” Lightning said.

Finally grasping Hope’s clothes, she began half dancing half dragging him toward the door.  Once they reached it, she practically shoved the boy out.  By then he’d already latched his arms at her waist, so they stumbled into the hallway and careened into the opposing wall.

“Uhmm.” Was all that Snow could manage as he lifted the two to their feet and followed Lightning into her room.

“What are you doing!” he shouted as Lightning peeled off the soaking boy’s shirt. 

Snow stopped her hands when they she began unbuttoning Hope’s fly.  She merely flicked her wrist and shoved Snow’s palm against Hope’s burning skin.

“How could you not notice? The kid’s completely out of it because he’s sick.  I leave you with him for the weekend, and this is what you come back with?” As she spoke, Lightning dug her nails into Snow’s knuckles.

“I can take care of myself,” Hope said, teeth chattering and all his energy burnt out.

“Change him into these.  I’m going to see if we have any medicine,” Lightning said as she shoved the pile of clothes at Snow.

As she walked to the kitchen, she saw Serah delicately closing the door to Hope’s room.

“Poor thing is terrified.  I can’t believe he acted that way,” Serah said to her sister.

Lightning ignored her and began searching various drawers and cabinets.  Honestly she was kind of relieved someone had said anything to Alyssa.  It had begun to look like the girl was well on her way to being a permanent fixture of the house.  Though, it did dishearten her to hear Hope speak to anyone in that manner.  To put it mildly she felt conflicted.

Upon returning to the room with a possibly expired fever reducer, she found Hope snuggled into her dirty sheets.

“Sorry I haven’t washed in a while.”

Lightning wasn’t sure why she felt self-conscious about it.  Yet there she was, embarrassed.  She handed him the pills.  He sat up to swallow them, then promptly nestled back under the comforter and lifted a corner.

“Well this is nostalgic,” she said, sliding under the blankets and curving against his body.  She’d intended to sleep on the couch, but now she couldn’t bear the thought of leaving him alone.

“I shouldn’t have been an asshole,” Hope muttered into the blankets.

“Understatement.  You were King of the Assholes to the only friend of yours I’ve ever met.”

“She’s not my only friend,” Hope said defensively.

“I said, the only one I’ve met,” Lightning said while slinking her arms around him.

“Can I… Can I say something?” Hope searched her face in the darkness trying to discern something.

“Of course.”

“Even if it will piss you off?”

“Let’s agree that you get a free pass today,” she said, bringing him in close and tucking his head into her chest.

“I was angry because,” his breathing increased, “because I realized it wasn’t you in the bed.  I wanted it to be you.”

Lightning ran her fingers up and down his back, praying he would fall asleep.  She knew he was waiting for a response.  Now was not the time to give him one.  He surely was as aware of that as she was.  Either way, neither of them said anything else before they dozed off.

* * *

“I think that based on recent events, I should probably acquire self-defense skills,” Alyssa said as she stepped into the kitchen.

“I already told you I’m sorry.  It was an accident, like hell I’d ever do anything to you,” Hope interjected loudly from his bedroom.

“Be that as it may, it is still necessary as a woman for me to be able to defend myself.  You were clear about that last evening Ms. Farron, but I was not of the mind to listen,” Alyssa said, placing a hand on her hip trying to exude confidence.

Alyssa had spent breakfast listening to Snow, Serah and Hope’s profuse apologies.  The girl had then redirected the conversation to the fauna of Pulse in the areas the l’Cie had explored.  Lightning had been utterly drained by the girl’s curiosity and run away to wash dishes.  Despite how frustrating the child was, she had a point.  Safety outweighed irritation.

“Fine,” Lightning said, placing a frying pan back in the cabinet. “Go get Snow.”

If Lightning was going to suffer Alyssa the entire afternoon, then at least she could punish Snow in the process.  The group of three walked out to the grass beside the house but in front of the workshop.  They spent the afternoon practicing a variety of poses.  First Snow would simulate attacking Lightning, and then she would force him off in slow motion.  She would explicitly describe what action she made and why, while poor Snow was shoved this way and that.  Once Alyssa would claim she’d understood, it was her turn.

Lightning could tell the girl was taken aback by how heavy Snow was, even while supporting his own weight.  She gently reminded Alyssa that while most people weren’t as large as Snow, some were.  That was enough reason to at least try.

It was only when Lightning suggested a series of yells, that Serah ran outside terrified.  What the woman found was her family, covered in grass stains, holding their hands to their diaphragms and shouting.  Feeling a bit left out, she’d insisted on joining.  Lightning soon learned that her sister wasn’t taking the exercise seriously.  Rather, she’d used it as an opportunity to overpower Snow and unleash a barrage of kisses.

“I guess practice is over,” Lightning said, crossing her arms.

“I’m extremely grateful for this Ms. Farron,” Alyssa said surprisingly shyly.

“Don’t worry about it.” Lightning uncrossed her arms and placed a hand on Alyssa’s shoulder. “I only hope that you never need to use any of this.”

Alyssa shrugged off Lightning’s touch and lifted her hand to bite at her fingernails.

“I should probably head back,” Alyssa paused, “to the shelter.  They will definitely be concerned that I didn’t return last night.”

“Shelter?”  Lightning said, her brows beginning to furrow.

It had never occurred to Lightning that the girl had been returning to a shelter every night.  Though admittedly had the Farrons and Villiers not been around, the same fate would have befallen Hope.  All minors that didn’t have an adult to cohabit with were relegated to the shelters.  They were something akin to warehouses, enormous rooms lined with endless rows of bunks.  Lightning herself had been involved their construction.  It had all come down to time.  The crew had wanted to divide the rooms further, but the government hadn’t supplied the time or equipment to do so.

“Yes, Ms. Farron.  Did you not know?  I had been visiting a friend in Bhodum during the Purge.  In the time since, I haven’t once found information in regards to my family.”

Alyssa refused to make eye contact, clearly full of shame.

“Snow and Hope have been knowingly walking you back to the shelter every evening?” Lightning said, her muscles tensing.

“Of course, Ms. Farron.  That is where I live.”  Alyssa’s voice had become almost inaudible.

Lightning began clenching and releasing her fists, eventually bringing her hands together to crack her knuckles.  Alyssa was the second brightest person she knew.  Yet she was being stymied by curfews, rations, noise, and lack of privacy.

“Alyssa,” she said, returning her hand to the girls shoulder, “I need you to listen to me.”

The girl finally looked up from the ground.

“Our house is small, relatively loud, and we frustrate each other regularly.  You know this.  However,” Lightning said, watching something shift in Alyssa’s expression, “if you will have us, I would like for you to live here.”

“What?” Alyssa squeaked, her usual calculated demeanor absent.

“I know it’s sudden,” Lightning said, trying to calm her.

“But what about everyone else?  Won’t they dislike it?  Where would I even stay?”

Lightning thought for a moment.  Since the plan had only popped in her mind minutes before, she hadn’t quite perfected it yet.

“You will stay in my room.  I will stay in the living room,” Lightning paused as an idea struck her.  “And then I will build an annex.  It’s something I’ve been mulling over for a while.  There are only three bedrooms.  Should Serah ever have children we’ll need more space, oversight on my part during the initial build.  We’ll just bump up the schedule and the annex will be yours.”

Lightning clapped her hands together.  For once she felt like the genius of the household.  Is this how Snow felt any time he had a heroic idea?

“Are you sure about this?”  Alyssa said, not wanting to become over excited.

“Completely.”

“Ahem, welcome to the family?” Serah interrupted.

Somehow amidst their discussion, Lightning and Alyssa had both forgotten that the Villiers were canoodling only yards away in the grass.  Then Snow rushed over and lifted Alyssa in the air.

“The Estheim-Farron-Villiers-Zaidelle Residence.  It’s long, but damn it if I don’t like the sound of it!”  Snow shouted, spinning the girl around.

The window to Hope’s room flung open and he stuck his sweaty head out.

“Someone care to explain what that doofus is yelling about?” Hope said pointing to the confusing scene before him.

Lightning cautiously approached the window.  He rested his elbow on the sill and balanced his head on his hand.

“Hope, Alyssa is moving in with us,” she said.

He huffed and reached out to run the backs of two fingers along her face.

“For as stubborn as you are, you can’t say no to a stray.  I’m surprised the house isn’t overrun with cats instead of end tables.”

“Did you insinuate I’m a cat lady?” she said, playfully touching the arm of his glasses making them dance on his nose.

“No.” Hope let out a deep breath, “I just think that I’m the only one aware of something.”

“And what would that be, Professor Estheim?”

“You assume that Serah is the caring one.  But Light, you have the biggest heart of anyone I know.”

The boy stood up, pecked her on the cheek, and shut the window.  Lightning stood frozen in place.  If any of the household had been looking, the action would only have been a familial gesture. 

Lightning knew that it was more.

* * *

Snow and Alyssa left that evening to gather the rest of her meager belongings.  As it was Sunday, none of the clerical offices were open.  Once the weekend finished the family would submit the paperwork for her transfer.  Lightning had tried to leave with them, but Snow and Alyssa had claimed there was no need.  All she was actually picking up consisted of toiletries, a suitcase of clothing, and a handful of books.  Her other possessions were in her backpack at the house.

Hope had downed more medicine and returned to sleep.  It was the rare occasion where Serah and Lightning were alone.  For this reason, she was surprised to see her sister remove a bottle from the back of a cabinet and take a swig.  After swallowing, and slightly sputtering, the younger sister brought the bottle and two glasses to one of the many coffee tables.  She poured a pathetic splash for Lightning and then filled her own to the brim.

“Aren’t you going to drink?”  Serah said, gulping down half her serving.

Lightning sipped at what was clearly moonshine.

“Where did you get this?  I can feel my liver dying.”  She tried to not let on how deeply her throat burned.

“Sahz gave it Snow as a wedding gift before he left.  It’s been too strong to have more than a sip.”  Serah looked sorrowfully at her sister.  “But today.  Today I am in mourning.”  She topped her glass off and resumed her assault on the beverage.

“May I ask for whom?”  Lightning raised her eyebrow toward her sister.

“Me.  My youth, my sex life.”  Serah then proceeded to wail at the top of her lungs, “Screw scheduled sex!”

Lightning threw her hands over her sister’s mouth.  She silently prayed that Hope was still asleep.  The last thing he needed to witness was a drunken Serah.

“Care to quietly elaborate?” she said, gingerly releasing her hold.

“Snow wants to adopt her.”

“Hey.  No one has even mentioned any details yet.  I have a different job now. I’m sure they wouldn’t give us nearly as hard of a time as they did with Hope.”  She bit her lip, still feeling bitter.

“Oh Lightning.  But we have discussed it.  Snow and I have been talking about it every night since he first walked her home two weeks ago.”  Serah sighed and flopped her head onto the armrest.  She also spilled her drink in the process.  “I was holding out.  We already have one dependent.  We’ve actually been trying to get pregnant.  But we agreed that if we did adopt her, that we’d wait until she and Hope were adults.  I’m only twenty and in a matter of days my husband and I will be the parents of two teenagers.”

Serah smashed her face into the armrest and mumbled something incoherent.  Lightning hesitantly touched her sister’s back.

“Are you…ok with this?”

Lightning wasn’t sure if she was being insensitive.  However, she couldn’t get a good read on her.

“Of course I’m ok with this.”  Serah rolled upright.  “I just wanted another week.  I’m ovulating and horny as hell.  Lightning I’m so horny!”  She shouted the last word.  “Snow and I were going to discuss this whole thing as a family next week.  That’s why Snow insisted that we do something fun alone with Hope this weekend.”

“You are aware you aren’t his actual parents.”  Lightning glared at her sister and chugged the last of her alcohol.

“Stop being jealous, Sis.”

Serah pinched Lightning’s cheek, winked, and then hobbled her way to her bedroom.  Finally in silence, Lightning cleaned up the booze and pulled out a notebook.  She then began to map out the plans for an annex.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> About the ages. Here is a bit of a master list. I had to invent arbitrary birthdays for everyone since I was trying to track a 4 year period.  
> Everyone starts the story at their ages from the game. (Except for Alyssa who was only given ages in XIII-2. But we do know that she's the same age as Hope. So she starts the story at 13.)
> 
> Hope-January  
> Light- June  
> Alyssa- October (therefore she is significantly younger than Hope, but they will still be the same age from Oct-Jan)  
> Serah- August  
> Snow- Do we care? It will never be mentioned. But he's also January.


	3. Longing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rated M for a reason folks.  
> Also Snow has a heart of gold and wants to protect all of his babies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, if you want to listen,  
> [Ch 3 Mp3 on Dropbox](https://www.dropbox.com/s/1u6xrbc4bnk9cgo/NALTch3Longing.mp3?dl=0)

**Year 2AF – Longing**

**August**

Lightning had just exited the bathroom when Snow almost knocked her down.  He was blindly stomping down the hallway.

“Not again.  Someone find me a flamethrower! I’m going to annihilate the bastards,” the man shouted as he slammed the front door.  It jostled on its hinges and remained open.

“They back?” Hope said snidely as he looked over the rims of his glasses.

Alyssa and Hope had been seated on the floor trying to finish an assignment.  The contents were of some complex physics that were beyond Lightning’s interest.

“The time is 6:32,” Alyssa said, checking her wrist-watch, “so yes, I presume they’ve returned.”

“Who?” Lightning said, suddenly aware she wasn’t wearing her holster.

“The flans,” Hope said, chuckling and rising to approach her.  “You have to see this.”

He gripped Lightning’s hand and walked her to the kitchen window.  The boy chuckled when she grimaced, taking in the chaos outside.  Snow was dashing angrily around his vegetable garden.  His arms swung towards the plants and his feet tried to both step _around_ the foliage while stepping _on_ the flans.  Unlike the adult flans she was used to seeing, these multi-colored creatures were at most five inches tall.  Their miniature limbs grasped at the fruits of Snow’s labor.  There must have been at least a hundred evenly divided between climbing the tomato vines, scaling the pepper plants, and taunting Snow.

At this point, Hope was clutching his stomach howling in laughter.  Lightning turned to Alyssa, who had followed them to the kitchen.  The older woman gestured a questioning finger to the window.

“You’ve been coming home late from work this week so you’ve missed it.  Since Tuesday, precisely at 6:30, the baby flans come.  I can only posit that they believe the tomatoes and chiles to be their brethren.  Poor things.”  Alyssa shook her head dejectedly.

“And no one helps him?” Lightning said.

“You volunteering?” Hope leaned a hip against the counter, grinning wickedly.

“Of course not,” she said, mirroring his expression.

“They’ll leave by 6:45 anyway.  Once they rescued several tomatoes and jalapeños.  There’s no reason to fight them,” Alyssa said, having enough of the nonsense and returning to the living room.

Once she sat down, Lightning and Hope were alone and out of view.  The boy crossed his arms.  When he cocked his head, his smile shifted from wicked to pleased.  His attention was no longer on Snow, but focused on her.  She had begun quietly laughing at her brother-in-law, when she turned to see the boy gazing at her.  She raised an eyebrow.

“Something on my face?” she said.

“Just lost in thought.”

“Is that all?  Now you really need to explain,” she said, stepping toward him.

One of her hands rested on her hip, the other touched down on the countertop.  The boy was blocked into the corner, visibly tense.  Mere inches separated them.  From this distance, she could see the fluid nature of his expression.  He was trying to hide his embarrassment, but a blush seeped across his nose and onto his cheeks.  Unfolding his arms, he slid them down his body trying not to brush her.  Then he grasped onto the counter’s ledge.

“So?” Lightning asked.

“Well,” he said.  “I was just thinking,” confidence mounting, he whispered into her ear, “I miss the days when it was just the two of us.”

A series of goosebumps raced across her body as his breath settled on her neck.  The sensation awoke Lightning from the spell she was under, positive it was her fault things were escalating.

“Oh,” she said curtly.

She stepped backward.  The further she retreated, the more concerned Hope became.

“Did I…” he said, the wind stripped from his sails.

“I need to do.  Something.  What was I doing?  Laundry?  I think I was doing laundry.  I need to go finish that,” she said, searching for an excuse to run.

Was she expected to tell him that he had read the situation perfectly?  That he’d acted exactly as she’d anticipated.  Or rather, she had wanted more.  She’d almost hoped that when she closed in, he’d kiss her.  That she wanted him so desperately terrified her.  She was becoming a person she no longer recognized.  Sergeant Farron would never have abided an adult pursing a minor.

She stepped out of the kitchen without clearing up any of the boy’s concerns.  Hopefully this would be enough to break him.  She was already overwhelmed with several concerns of her own.

 

**May**

Lightning perched herself on a stool in her workshop.  She chiseled a slender ravine into a panel of wood.  Hope, who was sitting across from her at the workbench, kept trying to wedge a mechanical piece in the slot.

Alyssa had recently decided that her style was no longer shorts and T’s but flowing dresses.  Or rather, Serah had made the decision when she had brought home several.  This became a problem; the young girl had previously only needed a dresser.  With the introductions of gowns, a wardrobe or closet was now necessary.

Lightning had planned on simply framing in a closet and installing a rod.  It would have taken her two days from studs to paint.  However, when Hope got wind of the plans, he had another idea entirely.  He’d recently haggled someone out of spare parts from a Hoplite.  The young man had a ridiculous idea of building a wardrobe whose doors and drawers would open at the touch of a button.  The entire project was overkill, but it gave her an excuse to spend time with him in private.

A storm overhead filled the room with an electric charge.  Suddenly, Hope yelped when trying to size the component.  Gears shot out of his palm and a series of lightning bolts seared across the panel leaving charred shadows in their wake.

“Everyone keeps claiming you’re the smartest kid your age.  Can’t I at least trust you not to electrocute us?”

“To be fair, I got a splinter.  The component only sparked because I dropped it,” Hope said, pouting.

He held out his hand as proof.  Holding his palm to her face, she examined the toothpick sized splinter in his index finger.

“Didn’t you used to wear gloves every day?  What gives?”

He didn’t answer and stared at the benchtop.  She didn’t press any further, using a free hand to scavenge a knife from a drawer.  She rested the blade over the bench’s edge.  Dreading whatever she was planning, Hope flexed his hand.  A bottle of half drank liquor materialized and she splashed its contents on the overhanging blade.

“I’m not so sure about this,” he said, trying to wiggle his captured hand free.

“Stop being a baby.  Trust me.”

Finally he stopped resisting and glared at her.  She took it as a sign he was ready.  With astounding precision, she sliced against the length of the splinter.  Once she’d set the knife down, she pinched the incision and popped the sliver of wood out.

“See, no blood.  Everything was superficial.  I don’t know why you were so worked up anyway.  Shall I kiss it and make it better?” she said mockingly.

She brought the finger to her lips.  All the hair on Hope’s arm stood on end when she did so.  He took the opportunity to flick her forehead, before examining her handiwork.   The storm finally let loose; rain began pelting the windows and roof of the shop.

“We should break for lunch.  It’s getting muggy in here.  I’m not used to other people heating up the space.”

“Is that so,” Hope said, a grin building.  “I guess we can’t prop open the doors.  But, there is always another option,” he said lengthening the last word.

He gripped at the hem of his shirt.  Then he slowly lifted it off his body and over his head.  The entire motion was calculated and deliberate.  Finally, he let the article of clothing drop onto the workbench.

“I feel better already,” he said.

Lightning crossed one leg over the other, ready to beat him at his own game.

“Is that so?” she said, undoing the first three buttons of her blouse.

She savored his shameless staring at her chest, waiting for her to undo another button.  Fine, she’d at least give him that much.  When the gore of her bra was finally in view, Hope unexpectedly whimpered.

“You know what?  Now I’m chilly.” she said.

With a smirk, she re-buttoned her blouse.

“Light?” he said cautiously.

“Yes?”

“You said I could come to you if I had questions right?”

“I did,” she said, trying not to look at his naked torso.  “Though I’m not sure of how much help I can be.  Snow would probably be the best one for info. But I’m willing to listen.”

“How do you know when you’re ready?”

The boy sure didn’t pull any punches.  This was going to be a long day.

“That’s different for everyone.  I guess it’s as simple as you will always know when you _aren’t_ ready.  Most importantly, everyone involved needs to feel ready.  If either of you feels it’s not the right time, then wait.”

She worried she was giving the world’s worst advice.  She hoped she wasn’t being too vague.

“Ok.”  He chuckled.  “That was completely different from what Snow said.  But I prefer your answer.”

He smiled, his teeth catching the light like an animal ready to pounce.

“How about you stick to questions that Snow wasn’t able to answer.”  Lightning laughed to herself.  “Though, you could fill a book with all the things that man doesn’t know.”

“Where do women like to be touched?”

“Everywhere,” Lightning said, curious who he was going to use this information on.

“Ugh.  Snow was vague about foreplay; he didn’t give any specifics either.” He sighed defeated.

“Varies from woman to woman.  Some are really into their necks being kissed.  Not everything has to be genitals.  A delicate stroke to any part of the body can do wonders.  I knew a woman who enjoyed her ears being nibbled.  I personally hate that.”

She made a gagging face to which he laughed, the tension between them broken.

“What _do_ you like then?”

“I like when my breasts are cupped in someone’s hand.  Not squeezed too hard though.  My favorite thing is a bite or a pinch to my nipple, especially if I’m about to climax.  My best advice would be to ask your partner what it is _they_ want.”  Lightning couldn’t help it now.  She was staring at his skin beading with sweat in the heat.

“Was your first time with someone you were in love with?  Did you talk it over beforehand?”

Lightning raised an eyebrow.  Was she seriously going to let him ask these intimate questions?  She doubted he’d gone over Snow’s sex life in such detail.  She uncrossed her legs and began thrumming her fingertips on the workbench.

“She was someone I cared about rather than loved.  I was in a bad place.  I had just gained custody of Serah, but I didn’t really feel like an adult.  She was the only lesbian I knew at the time.  We eventually felt that having sex was the next logical step.  Honestly,” Lightning started chuckling, “it was terrible.  We assumed we had to do everything the first time in one marathon session.  It ended with both of us chafed, hair between my teeth, and neither of us orgasming.”

“I take it you regretted it?” he said, cocking his head.

“Not in the least.  It’s what I needed at the time, if only to inform me of what I didn’t want.”

“Then you recommend sleeping with people you don’t love?”  His eyebrow’s furrowed.

“Hope, what’s right for me and what’s right for you are completely different things.  Yes, I’ve never slept with someone I’ve loved before.  But that comes down to a simple truth.  I’ve never been in love.”  Her heart raced as she looked him straight in the eyes.  “Before.”

Hope stood slowly and made his way around the workbench.  He stopped directly behind her and leaned forward.  His lips brushed her neck before he spoke.

“And when you do fall in love.  How do you want them to fuck you?”

His voice was low in a way that she had never before experienced.  She tried to stand; he allowed it, only to kick her stool out of the way.  Nothing between them anymore, he bent her over the table.  As he folded down onto her, she could feel his erection pressing into her tailbone.

“I repeat.”  he said, grinding the two of them into the bench’s edge,  “How. Do you want.”  He bit at the back of her neck.  “Me to fuck you.”

She involuntarily moaned from the dry humping and biting.  Only when she heard herself, did she start to panic.  In one quick motion she stood and stomped on his foot.  When she rose, she unintentionally rammed the back of her head into his jaw.  She noticed his split lip when she turned to face him.  Her intent had been to scare him off, not injure him.  Still breathing heavily, she reached for his shirt and chucked it at him.

“Get dressed and get the hell out,” Lightning said, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“Fine.”

She noticed that Hope looked only mildly disappointed.  He’d clearly won this round.

“Damn it,” she said to the now empty room.

She glanced at the workbench.  Hesitantly she leaned into it, but all she felt was discomfort.  Regardless, she was still ungodly aroused by what Hope had done.  Instead of using the ledge, she balanced one arm on the benchtop.  Her other hand slid into the waistband of her shorts.  There was no time for unzipping or fighting with her clothing.  She needed to come immediately; otherwise she’d spend the afternoon in a haze dwelling on possibilities.  The closer she got to climax, the further her knees buckled beneath her.  She was eventually crouching, hanging onto the bench trying to remain silent.

“Sis!”

Lightning snapped to attention, relocating her hand to her back pocket when Snow burst into the shop.

“Get out!” Lightning shouted.

“Not until you tell me what’s going on.  You can hit me as much as you want, but never, and I mean never, lay a hand on Hope again.”

What did he know?  Surely Hope wouldn’t have told the man about something he himself had initiated.

“What could the kid have possibly done that you’d bust his face like that?  The poor thing comes in bruised and bleeding, tells Alyssa the projects off and everyone needs to leave him alone.  He won’t even let Serah into his room to talk.  So tell me, what did you do?”

Snow finished his tirade, noticed the knocked over stool, and righted it.  She let out the breath she was holding and relaxed.  He had been referring to the evidence, but was thankfully unaware of the events leading up to it.

“Firstly, he almost blew us up.”  She used her free hand to point at the burnt wood.  “Secondly, we were both reaching for that stool when I knocked him in the chin.  I’m fine by the way.”  She rubbed the back of her head, which was only now starting to sting.

“Oh,” Snow said disappointedly.

“Did you honestly think I would hurt him?  The fact that I even let him suggest this stupid ‘Warmech Wonder Wardrobe’ idea shows just how much I let him get away with,” she said.

The man sullenly left, another heroic moment crushed.

“Hey Snow,” she shouted out the door, “Tell Serah to give him some time.  I know I’d want to be alone if I were him.”

If Lightning’s own private actions were any indicator, Hope definitely didn’t want anyone listening to him deal with his hard-on.

* * *

A week passed of Hope actively ignoring Lightning.  He remained quiet during meals, did his homework in the annex, and spent the rest of his time locked in his bedroom.  Despite her having moved past their confrontation, he attempted no reconciliation.  Any time she’d approach him, he’d suddenly disappear.  She decided to take a direct approach.

“Hope,” she said quietly as she knocked on his door.

Of course he made no response, though she’d seen him retire there after dinner.

“Please, I have a peace offering.”

Determined to wait it out, she rested her forehead against his door.  She stumbled forward when Hope jerked it open, pulled her in, and slammed it shut.

“Peace offering?  We both know,” he said, sitting down on his bed, “that I’m the one that messed up.  I don’t know what came over me.”

He placed his face in his hands.  After breathing deeply, he managed to run his fingers through his hair.

“Don’t beat yourself up, kid,” She said, perching on his desk. “You weren’t the only one who made a mistake.  It’s over and done, now get over here so I can give you your present.”

He cautiously stepped toward her.

“Now close your eyes and hold out your hands.”

Once he did as he was told, she removed something from her pocket and dropped it into his hands.  He opened his eyes and stared at the object.  Across his palm lay the folding knife that had removed his splinter.  Except now, the bevel had been sharpened to a mirror shine.  The handle had been replaced entirely.  It now had a dark lacquered wood with a lightning pattern burned across the surface.

“Is this what I think it is?” he said, tracing a finger across the fractured burn marks.

“Think of it as an invitation.  You are free to enter my workshop.  Interrupt me, bother me, pester me, distract me.  Anything.  Just don’t ignore me.”  She slid off the desk and held up her hand.  “But there is one condition.  No electrical work until you’ve had proper training.  I can’t have you dying on me.”

“Is that the only condition?”  He smiled and then began to slowly look her over.

“Honestly, Hope.  I don’t know how you can vacillate between dejected and,” she let out a soft gasp as his hand rested on her hip. “Whatever this is, in less than a minute,” she said, brushing his arm off.

“That’s simple,” he said grinning.  “You’re not scared of me today.”

“Huh?”  When had she been frightened?

“That day.  When you threw me out.  You looked terrified.  But,” he said, adjusting a bra strap she hadn’t realized had fallen.  “Today, you’re back to normal.”

Of course she could act normally today.  No one was pushing her down on a table.  She wasn’t trying to override thoughts about how there were too many layers of fabric between them.  Today he was teasing her, not seducing her.

“Some conditions are obvious.”

She reached for the doorknob, but he grabbed it first.

“Good night,” he said, pecking her on the cheek.

“Good night, Hope,” she said, slinking back to her room.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gore. That's the tiny triangle bit of fabric at the front of bra right between the cups. Apparently it's super important for the fit. I find it amusing that usually when we hear 'gore' we think of violence etc. :P How fitting that part of a bra wants to do harm.


	4. Loss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lightning deals with reality. It's not pretty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While working on this chapter, I heavily relied on music to put me in a terrible mood. Lightning, Hope, Alyssa each had a leitmotif to make sure their motivations were consistent throughout.  
> Lightning: What Sarah Said - Death Cab for Cutie  
> Hope: Everyone Will Die - Motion City Soundtrack  
> Alyssa: Lifespan of a Fly - Bird and the Bee  
> [Have a listen on Spotify ](https://open.spotify.com/user/r-armchair/playlist/3wO2rie7QBUlTiguauhGuM)
> 
> And if you want the podfic,  
> [Ch 4 Mp3 on Dropbox](https://www.dropbox.com/s/co12k4j2hnpp4sx/NALTch4Loss.mp3?dl=0)  
> \- R-Armchair

**Year 3AF Part 1 – Loss**

**September**

“Ms. Villiers, you must understand,” the doctor impatiently snapped his clipboard against his desk, “We are doing everything in our power for your child.  However, we have discussed this ad nauseam.  We do not have access to the materials and equipment we had on Cocoon.  Those pharmaceuticals and techniques simply don’t exist here on Pulse.  Everyone is working on alternatives for the future, but as of yet, this is the best we can do.”  The doctor slouched in his chair exhausted.

This had not been the first time he’d explained this to the Villiers.  However, this was the first time Serah had brought her sister with her.  With Alyssa’s consent, he’d had to relay the entire treatment plan again.  Only this time he’d actually feared for his life.  Yes, Mrs. Villiers yelled, but Ms. Farron seeped murder into the atmosphere.

“We’ll get a second opinion,” Serah barked.

“You’ve had countless opinions and they’ve all referred you back to me.”  The doctor rapidly tapped his pen on his desktop.  “I’m going to have to kindly ask you to leave.  I have patients to attend to.” 

The man rose and gestured for the women to see themselves out.  Once Serah had exited, Lightning turned toward the man.

“Doctor,” she said, getting his attention, “Thank you for all you’ve done for Alyssa.”

She could see his expression change to one of confusion.  Lightning realized he’d mistaken her demeanor.  She’d become so accustomed to masking fear with anger.

“I’m being sincere by the way,” she added for clarification as she stepped out of the office.

 

**October**

“Good morning, Ms. Farron.”

Lightning woke slightly startled.  The hospital chair was exceedingly uncomfortable and had put her arm to sleep.  She shook it violently, trying to rid the pins and needles.

“Mornin’, Alyssa.”

The girl couldn’t help but giggle at the spectacle Lightning was making of herself.

“How long have you been here?  Don’t you usually leave for work at seven?  It’s already 7:38.”  Alyssa double checked the wall clock.

“Do you honestly think I’d prioritize work over you?”  Lightning gripped the girl’s swollen hand.

“Everyone else had after I kindly requested it of them,” Alyssa said succinctly.

“Yes,” Lightning said, “they in turn spend the evenings while I spend the days.  You know the drill.”

Alyssa sighed, “One day, I expect to wake and no one be here.”

They both knew Alyssa was trying to sound commanding, but her tremble betrayed her feelings.  Lightning rubbed her thumb along the girl’s knuckles before letting go.  She causally crossed her arms behind her head.

“Alas, you are stuck with me.”

It wasn’t until after a nurse had supplied breakfast that Alyssa resumed conversation.

“Ms. Farron,” Alyssa began, “It has been a blessing to be part of your family.”

Lightning sat up straight, but Alyssa was intentionally staring at the wall clock, avoiding eye contact.

“While I don’t ascribe to the Maker mythos, my meeting you has been nothing short of a miracle.”  With eyes full of tears, Alyssa turned to Lightning.  “When the Purge took place, that friend that I had been visiting,” she took in slow breaths, “Nena, she died.  We had tried hiding instead of boarding the trains.  The building collapsed when PSICOM did a second pass through Bhodum, slaughtering anyone who continued resisting.  Somehow, and to this day I am still unclear how, a solider found me and dragged me out.  He forced me onto a train, unwilling to shoot an unarmed child.  So, Lightning,” she lifted her hand and placed it over the woman’s own, “I’ve been living on borrowed time.”

The tears Alyssa had been holding back while completing her story finally released.  She unleashed mournful, gasping sobs as her face blotched with tear stains.

“I knew it would catch up with me eventually.  I’m not scared, and I don’t want any of you to be either.  I’m positive that the sole purpose of my surviving was to meet you.  I treasure every second of it.”

Lightning reached over and stroked Alyssa’s hair.  She knew it was the sort of gesture that one did to a pet, but somehow it had always worked on Hope.  Maybe that had been his way of understanding her lack of motherly qualities.  Thankfully Alyssa’s sobs ebbed long enough for her to speak again.

“Would you mind doing one thing for me? Close your eyes,” Alyssa said.

Alyssa leaned over and laid a delicate kiss on Lightning’s lips.  It was innocent, like a mother kissing a daughter good night.  The moment subsisted of faith and trust.  By the time Lightning opened her eyes, Alyssa had laid back down.  Lightning eased silently back into her chair.

 

**November**

As the weeks passed, Alyssa talked less and less.  Every once in a while she would relate an incoherent story of her childhood.  Eventually Lightning and Snow were the only ones who could stomach staying with her.  Anytime Serah visited, all she’d accomplish was crying and upsetting Alyssa to the point no one could calm her.  The nurses had to intervene and politely ask that the woman not return until she could control herself.

Hope stopped of his own accord.  The death of his mother had been instantaneous.  His separation with his father likewise.  Watching the slow decline of his only friend and sibling had left him infuriated and incapacitated.  Only there was no one to blame this time around.  While Alyssa had been cognitive enough, she’d understood Hope’s absence.  Once her comprehension left, it didn’t matter who came.  She would just sit, drugged beyond all reason, and smile at Lightning.  For her the woman was an interesting object in the room, nothing more than a crystalline statue in the corner.  Ever present, watchful, and protective.  A gargoyle.

The day it happened, Lightning had left the room to get coffee and call Snow.  When she’d returned to the hall, a doctor stopped and informed her she couldn’t enter.

One of the two things Lightning remembered from that evening was pivoting on her foot, retracing her steps, and sitting in a chair in the waiting room.  She wouldn’t remember calling Hope, though he’d been the only call she’d made.  She wouldn’t remember answering questions from the hospital staff, though she had.

The only subsequent moment she would remember was Hope frantically running toward her.  Bending down to hold her, resting his head atop hers, and repeating, “It’s going to be OK, Light.”  As if the mantra could magically undo tragedy.

* * *

Lightning and Hope remained long after the other guests had left for the reception.  They sat on the marble bench within the mausoleum, almost but not quite touching.  The two couldn’t bear to separate.  The bench was large enough to easily seat the remaining living members of their household.  One of their feet accidently knocked over a vase of flowers.  The entire room had been decorated with the large red blooms.  Lightning and Alyssa had never figured out if they already had a name, but they hadn’t settled on a new one either.  All they did know was that when they were in season the flans didn’t harass Snow.  They were the nexus of function and beauty, yet somehow they’d been overlooked by modern research.  But not by Alyssa.

Lightning briefly considered leaving, concerned that Hope might have been waiting to mourn privately; say final words to someone who could no longer hear.  That wasn’t who he chose to speak to when he shattered the stillness of the polished stone room.

“Did you know?” he quietly asked.

She had no way of guessing to what his inquiry pertained.

“Did you know that she had a crush on you?” he asked again.

“Yes.”

“Did you,” Hope’s right arm had been resting in the space between them.  He anxiously moved it to his knees. “Feel anything like that for her?”

They both knew the answer, but it hung in the honeysuckle-sweet air as if she might deny him as she’d always had.

“She was family, Hope.  I loved her in the same way I do Snow and Serah.”

His hand stopped gripping into his wrinkled dress pants.  The fingers of his right hand interwove with hers and settled on the inches of bench between them.

“But not like me.”  It was a statement, not a question.  “You love me.  Differently.”

They had both been staring directly in front of them, at the largest of the flower arrangements.  Lightning turned to give Hope the answer she knew he’d been waiting on for much longer than today.

“Yes.”

It was only one word, yet it echoed across the walls.  Like a baby’s first cry might be recognizable to the family in the waiting room.  Even without being present, they would know.  Finding solace in the birth of someone they had been desperately waiting to meet.

“Claire.”  Hope said, using his left hand to cup her cheek.

When had he learned that name?  She didn’t recall ever revealing it to him.  Who would have told him something so intimate?  She had never expected to feel this vulnerable.

“I love you,” he whispered.

He slid his hand to her neck and jerked her into a kiss.  Her lips crashed into the hard wall of his teeth.  She tasted blood.  Despite the initial collision, their mouths found a rhythm.  Though, she would allow their lips to be the only point of contact.  She ran her right hand down his left arm and pried it from her body.  Her fingers disentangled from his other hand.  Any time he’d try to reach for her, she’d grab his wrists and hold them to the bench.

Once it was clear she’d never feel sated, she stood.

“It ends here,” she said, breaking their connection.

“Huh?” Hope’s question was almost indistinguishable from his breathing.

“If I were to continue, you’d resent me.  Not now.  Not even in a couple of years.  But ultimately you would.  I need to be an adult, Hope.”

“You love me, how could I resent…”

Lightning cut him off, “I am twenty-four.  You are a minor.  I know it doesn’t feel that way.  Love overcomes all obstacles bullshit.  But that’s not how the world works.  I can’t help, but be conscious of the fact I’m influencing you.  I was in the Guardian Corps for fuck’s sake.  If anyone should know better it’s me.”

She ran her hands through her hair, tugging at the ends.

“When I walk out that door, it’s over Hope.”

She stepped determinedly toward the exit.

* * *

The reception was full of people Lightning was sure Alyssa had never even met.  Funerals were for the living, but she couldn’t stand Snow’s colleagues giving sympathetic pats on her shoulder.  Yes, she was aware that everyone had all undergone something similar during the Fall.  But that alone couldn’t compensate.  Somehow, today’s grief felt over powering.  It was immediate, there hadn’t been years to dull the pain.  Only days, since her death, since they’d talked, since she was here.  For the second time in a decade, she’d lost her family.

Lightning wanted to laugh.  She’d practically hated the girl when she met her.  Maybe, she knew then.  That if she let her in, there would be no turning back.

The laughs came anyway.  Nervous angry laughs erupted and Lightning wished she could bottle them up and then smash them over someone’s head.  It was humiliating, there she was cackling in a room of somber people as they stared.  She felt someone hug her from behind.  The embrace was warm, comforting, and soothing in the way she remembered her father’s.  Snow almost half expected to be knocked out, but Lightning let him hold her while she regained composure.  When the moment finally passed, Snow released her but moved one of his hands to her lower back.  He guided her gently through the bystanders.  They finally stopped at small table in the corner of the room where Hope was sitting.  The young man slid out a chair and Snow deposited her in it.

“I’m probably the last person you want to see right now,” she said bitterly.

Hope hugged her this time.  For the first time in years, she felt an absence of sexuality.  Is this what she had felt like to Snow?  Desperate and in pain.  As much as she might have hurt him in the mausoleum, it didn’t compare to the loss of Alyssa.  He needed the woman who had steered him out of the darkness before.  She didn’t know if that Lightning existed anymore.

They remained huddled in the corner until Serah approached them.

“Everyone wants us to say a few words.”

“I.” Lightning stood up. “I…”

“Only if you’re up to it,” Serah said, placing a hand on her sister’s back.

“I can’t do this.”

Lightning bolted out the door.  Home seemed a million miles away.  Lightning ran even with blisters forming on her ankles from the high heels she wore for the first time.  Her legs chafed as she sweated in the hideous wool dress Serah had picked out.  Yet, she ran all the way to her house and into her bedroom.

With the doors slammed and locked, she began clawing at her clothes.  The buttons of her blazer shot off, the zipper on her back disengaged from its track.  None of this mattered, because she’d never wear this outfit again.

Naked, she melted onto her mattress.  She needed to feel anything besides anguish.  As she masturbated, her moans sounded like cries of agony.  Nothing about the experience brought pleasure, but it wasn’t meant to.  Over the past month, what little was left of her heart had been ripped out.  Today, she had crushed its remnants in her own hands.

 


	5. Intent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're interested in the audio  
> [Ch 5 Mp3 on Dropbox](https://www.dropbox.com/s/4s8zwf6xabwnh1o/NALTch5Intent.mp3?dl=0)

**Year 3AF Part 2 – Intent**

**February**

It was relatively rare for anyone new to join their community.  If anything, people left in favor of more developed settlements.  When word had gotten out that a city existed on a technological level of those on Cocoon, there had been a bit of an exodus.  Lightning had no interest in such things anymore.  She had built her life as soldier with her own hands, and now she’d built their home in much the same way.  Albeit more literally.  She could no longer imagine relocating to a life that she held little agency in.

So when she arrived at work that morning, she’d been surprised to meet a woman named Meryl.

“Good morning, you must be Lightning?”  The woman said, standing in the lobby of the construction firm.

“Hello,” Lightning said taken aback at the informal address by a stranger.

“Snow told me I could find you here?  I just moved to town.  He was running my paperwork.  The house they put me in.  Well, it’s not to my taste.  He said that you guys were the best, and to give you his name.”

“Of course he would,” Lightning sighed.  “Snow is my brother-in-law.  Though, we are technically the only contractors in town.  Perhaps you should step into my office and we’ll discuss logistics.”

Lightning led the woman down a hallway into a small room.  On the way there, she found herself observing her more closely than she usually would.  Meryl was probably in her forties, shorter than Serah, and extremely beautiful.  She had stunning green eyes, and navy blue hair that was plaited down her back.  A thin golden hairstick with a stone toggle stuck out at the base of the braid.  The stone was the same sky blue as the shift dress she’d been wearing.

“What brought you to our humble town?  You look like you came straight from one of the urban settlements,” Lightning said, perching on her desk.

“Isn’t that a little personal?”

“If I’m going to be redesigning your house, I’d like to know a little about you.  But we can get straight to business if that’d make you more comfortable.”

“My house.  It’s too,” Meryl began, “there are too many rooms.  I’m the only one living there.  I rather have an open concept.”

“So you don’t have a husband?” Lightning tested.

“I have an ex-wife.  Actually that’s more along the lines of why I moved.  We’d always make plans to travel back on Cocoon, but she was too caught up in work so we never did.  When we ended up on Pulse, same thing.  Here we were, on entirely foreign terrain, and we spent three years within several city blocks.  I couldn’t take it anymore.  So I up and left.  I just kept riding the airships until I could go no further.  This place is definitely out there, though.  I took a chance on a cargo ship the last leg.”

 “Are you sure you want to do this.  What if we put all this effort in, and you decide you want to run back home?”  Lightning raised an eyebrow skeptically.

“We’ll cross that bridge when we reach it.  So, what about you?  A pretty thing like you have a husband?”

“Did you really meet Snow?  He’d put anyone off of the idea of marriage.”

“I thought he was positively pleasant.  He clearly adores his family.  He showed me pictures of each one of you.  I’ve never seen a man gush like that over anyone other than a newborn.”

“Sorry to say, but not even a woman as gorgeous as yourself could drag him from Serah.  But if you’d like to try, how about you have dinner with me tonight?”

* * *

Meryl sat to Lightning’s left and Hope to her right during dinner.  She felt increasingly uncomfortable during the meal.

Lightning half expected some sort of rise out of Hope.  Clearly this dinner was a prelude to a date.  If all went well today she would be dating this woman, and the young man was just going to have to deal with it.  Yet, it looked like that was already happening.  Whenever she would glance at him, he’d merely raise an eyebrow unperturbed.  Was he finally over her?  Though it’s what she’d asked of him, the thought began to eat away at her stomach.  She gnawed on the inside of her cheek.

“You ok?” Hope asked quietly, not disturbing everyone else’s conversation.

Still not catching her attention, his right hand began tracing her inner thigh.  His fingers stroked the distance between her knee and the hem of her skirt, but never dared any further.

“So Meryl, did you know that Snow grew the tomatoes in this sauce?” he said.

Snow then explained the pitfalls of growing vegetables on the outskirts of town.   All the while, Lightning grew steadily more embarrassed of Hope’s onslaught on her leg.  Though, it didn’t stop her from rolling up the end of her skirt allowing his fingers to climb.

“You know,” she said, standing up. “I could do with a drink.  How about I grab something I’ve been saving.”

“Bout time,” Snow said, always eager for booze.

“Hope,” she glared at him, “come with me.”

At this, everyone at the table gave her a puzzled look.

“It’s in the shop, in a cabinet, behind some lumber,” she said stiltedly.

“Perhaps I should come?” Meryl said, readying to stand.

“No.  You’re our guest,” Lightning said, grabbing Hope by the back of his collar and yanking him out of his seat.

She practically dragged him as she ran down the hallway and out the backdoor.

“What are you doing,” she asked in the privacy of the workshop.

“Following you.  Like you asked.  Even though we both know you keep your liquor in that shelf,” he said, pointing to one of many work cabinets.

“You know,” she said, her face inches from his, “I’m not talking about that.”

She gripped one of his hands in both of hers.  She slid it up her thigh and cupped it around her crotch.

“I’m talking about this,” she said.

His face grew red.  All he managed was to breathe heavily.  No words came out.

“You’re embarrassed now?  Even though you felt me up in front of everyone?” she said, frustrated.

“Um. Well.”  Hope struggled forming a sentence.  “It was only your leg, Light.  I’ve never,” he paused, “touched you _here_ before.”

His hand flexed nervously, and then gripped firmly.  She shuddered and released her hold on him.  He tentatively began rubbing, soon increasing to a vigorous pace.  He used his other hand to support her back.  Her heartrate and breathing spiked.  She clawed into his biceps trying not to collapse.  Unlike their previous encounter, she was only making quiet gasps and whines.  As Hope tilted his head ready to kiss her, she shoved him away from her.

“Fuck, Hope,” she said, stumbling back to sit on her stool.  “You know we can’t do this.  I can’t be with you.”

Hope stepped the other direction, leaning his back against the door.

“I don’t know how much longer I can take this,” he said.

“That’s the point, Hope.  You need to give up before things get worse.”

“Is that really what you want?” he said, crossing his arms tightly against his chest.

“What I want,” she sighed, “and the correct thing to do.  They are _very_ different things.”

He closed the distance between them.  Kneeling on the floor, he placed both of their hands in her lap.

“So we’re both going to lie to ourselves?” he asked quietly.

She only answered with a silent nod.

“If it really ends tonight, at least let me get some things off my chest.  For your sake, I’ll pretend the following is true:  I don’t think of you every waking minute of the day.  I don’t spend every night reliving the feeling of you beneath me, right here in the shop.  I don’t hear you whispering my name as you rustle in your sheets.  I don’t know what you sound like when you come.  I don’t know that you were extremely close to doing so all over my hand.”

He kissed her knee.

“I’ll pretend all of this with one caveat.  No matter what you do to me.  If you ever want me, I swear on my life I won’t reject you.”

He finally stood.

“Tell everyone I got a stomachache.  I need to be alone right now.”

* * *

She lay there, trying to rock her pelvis in every direction possible.  She was grasping for straws at this point. Reality of the matter was that her heart wasn’t in it, so neither were her genitals.  She gasped, more in pain than any sort of pleasure, when a finger tried to slide back her hood.

“Liked that did you?”

A rhetorical question, but Lightning found herself answering anyway. “Not really.” She sucked in a deep breath, “I don’t think I’m feeling this. At all.”

There was silence at the other end of the bed.  They both knew that Lightning was a direct person, but that sounded cold even to her.  If she had been somewhere else, she could get up and go home.  Shove this entire thing under the rug.  Was there any easy way to convince Meryl to leave without mutilating her feelings further?  Or did the woman have as little shame as she appeared?

“So.”

“It’s ok.  These things happen.  We can always try again later,” Meryl said.

Lightning reached her arms down to pull the woman up by the shoulders.  Once hooked, she shimmied her up the mattress in an awkward hold.

“Where do you get all that positivity from?” Lightning said releasing one arm to rub a distant headache from her temple.  “I don’t even know how to put this. I think this might have been a…”

“Don’t say it.  Don’t finish whatever you’re suggesting.” Meryl said turning her back to Lightning and curling into a fetal position.

“Fine.  I just hope that,” Lightning heard something dropping to the floor in the adjacent room. “I don’t know what I hope.”

She was the one to turn this time.  The two of them lay back to back. Meryl finally got the message with this gesture.  Perhaps she’d been waiting for Lightning to magically change her mind and embrace her.

“I’ll just go to the living room,” she said sitting up, her hand pawing the floor looking for her underwear.  She was still thankfully wearing a shirt.

“No.  I’ll just leave,” Meryl said, flinching when a lobo howled suspiciously near the window, “In the morning.  I’ll stay on the couch.” 

Fabric rustled when Meryl sat up, until the howling resumed.  She immediately crumpled herself back into a ball.  Her home was toward the center of the residential district, and therefore not butting up to the wilderness.  Lightning had asked for this plot for privacy and safety.  Though years had passed, it still made her uncomfortable knowing that every living person on Cocoon had seen her family as enemies.   She flopped back down and stroked the other woman’s back in a calculated manner.

The hours slowly oozed by with only Lightning awake.   All interior sounds were of snores, until a loud thump and whimper echoed in the adjacent room. She tried to be dismissive of the sound, especially since someone’s arms were holding her down.  As quiet thumping noises continued, she began to panic.  She wrestled out of Meryl’s grasp, and decided she might as well check on Hope.

He was standing next to his bed trying to scramble back into it, but his sleepwalking limbs were having none of it.  All he had actually accomplished was tangling the sheets with his legs.  He continued to flail and kick at the bed from his nightmare.  Lightning quietly padded over.  The second her hands touched his shoulders, his body stiffened.  She calmly directed him into the bed and under the covers.  She had never seen him so out of sorts.

When she was finally ready to exit, his hand shot out from beneath the sheets and grasped hers.  It was a quiet pleading sound, but she was certain that he’d mumbled ‘stay.’  As long as she left once he’d calmed, no one would know that she’d abandoned her room. Yes, this was not the first time they had shared a bed.   However, it was entirely different to ditch a lover on your first (and clearly last) night together.

Hope drowsily entwined his limbs with hers.  She found herself reciprocating.  She wound her arms around his waist and rubbed his back gently.  This seemed to cause a shift in his dreams.  A smile flashed across his face before vanishing.  He let out a pleased sigh before his breathing slowed and became regular.  Before Lightning realized it, she succumbed to sleep herself.

 


	6. At Last

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're here! We've made it, the chapter you've been waiting for. Good on you for slogging through! You may have your reward now.
> 
> The podfic where I feel embarrassed,  
> [Ch 6 Mp3 on Dropbox](https://www.dropbox.com/s/znxgrpkk40xpcjj/NALTch6AtLast.mp3?dl=0)

**Year 3AF Part 3 – At Last**

Lightning had never been a lucid dreamer; she rarely even remembered them.  This was by far the most wonderful experience she’d had asleep.  She could feel the pleasure pulsing from her vulva.  She happily humped at the smooth surface she was resting against.  She ground in hard, so that the pressure radiated throughout her.  She felt herself moaning as she increased the pace.  Suddenly there was a hand on her thigh.  She reached for and guided it to help her hump rhythmically instead of frenetically.  The foreign hand struggled under her grasp, as if trying to lift her away.

“Up,” she could hear someone saying distantly.

“Wake up.  Please.” Or maybe it was a whisper.  An extremely breathless one.

“Light. You need to wake up.” The voice was slightly louder and more urgent this time.

Lightning was ready, any second now and she might come.

“I’m almost there. Just let me…”

Her phrase was interrupted when the hand pinched her skin sharply.  She yelped in both and pain and surprise.  She opened her eyes and was horrified with herself.

“You need to be quiet.  You’re going to wake up the whole damn house,” Hope whispered through his teeth.  As soon as he had her attention, he resumed guiding her hips with his grasp.  She was too confused and aroused to bolt.  Instead she let him direct her while she processed the situation.

She was not dreaming.

The surface she was so fervently grinding against happened to be Hope’s upper thigh.  He looked completely flustered and in fact had an erection in his boxers.  She had not put on underwear in her mad dash to check on him last night.  Her wet skin was making direct contact with his.  At this revelation, an unexpectedly loud moan slipped out.  Instantly, Hope’s brows knit together and he brought his free hand to cover her mouth.

“Sorry,” she mumbled into his palm.

Neither of them was entirely sure why they didn’t stop.  Somewhere in the air, there hung an unspoken agreement.  They would see this much through.  Hope rolled off of his side and onto his back, and then he adjusted her so that she was mounted on his bent leg.  This way he could slide her up and down his thigh without either of them cramping or becoming tangled.  After his pinch, she had lost hold of the initial orgasm.  This was preferable anyway.  She was able to look into his eyes as her pleasure mounted.  Unlike with others, Hope adjusted his actions based on her soft gasps.  So gasping was ok? Duly noted.  Occasionally he would rotate his hips so he could knock her into his pelvic bones.  This elicited the loudest responses.  Soon he had both hands on her.  One rocked her, while the other slid under her shirt and up to her breast.  His fingers toyed with her nipples, just like she had told him she loved.  As she closed in on climax, she ripped his hand from her waist and brought it to her mouth.  She cupped it to her lips and screamed.  His eyes went wide, but she could tell he was relieved at her moderate attempt at being quiet.  However, unsuccessful it was.

Lightning melted off his leg and back onto the mattress.  He curled onto his side and resumed the interwoven state that they had fallen asleep in.

“I know,” he spoke into her chest.

“You know what?”

“That you have to go back.  Just, please.  Stay with me until I fall asleep.”

So they weren’t going to discuss anything.  They were going to ignore that they had shared something far more intimate than she had with anyone else.  She had never looked so directly at someone, or they her, while having sex.  Being this engaged was a first.

Was he just going to fall asleep?  Lightning would have none of that.  She slid her hand into his loose T-shirt and explored his stomach and waist.  Hope made a purring sound and opened his eyes.  He looked at her questioningly, positive that they were done for the night.  Lightning removed her hand from his shirt, placed it on his neck, and brought him in slowly for a kiss.  It was everything their first kiss should have been.  No bleeding lips, no misery.  Despite being tangled, they still found their limbs dancing between each other.  Neither participant would let any inch of exposed skin go unexplored. 

His hand slipped between her legs.  She demonstrated exactly what he needed to do.  She separated her labia and placed his fingers on either side of her clitoris.  She thrusted against his palms until his fingertips very delicately began jacking her off.  Her moans and grunts reverberated inside his mouth.  He made subtle variations in movement until she climaxed for a second time.  A third.

 When appendages became numb and nerves pinched, Lightning simply grabbed Hope’s shirt and rolled him on top of her.  She pulled off his shirt and threw it on the floor.  She disconnected from him. Desperate, she reached for his waistband.  He grabbed her arms just as her nails hooked into the fabric. Her hands wriggled beneath his, still trying to disrobe him.

“Light, the sun is almost up,” he said, struggling to catch his breath.

Only then, did it occur to her that she could bring a considerable amount of the room into focus.  In the dim light she saw his body heaving in front of her, trying to settle but clearly struggling.  His face and bits of his chest were red and overheated.  Sets of parallel scratches covered most of his skin where she had held too firmly.  She glanced away embarrassed.  Hope lay to her side and curled around her.  They remained together wishing that dawn would hold off for at least a little longer.

Lightning finally unwrapped herself from his hold.  Once she stood, he sat up and placed his head to her abdomen.  He then ran his hands along her thighs catching her shirt in the process.  The hem rolled up to her ribs, gently coaxed by his fingertips.  Her heart raced as she felt hungry, sucking, squelching kisses travel along her torso.  Running her hands along his arms, through his hair, down his back, Lightning couldn’t find a grip that satisfied her.  Finally, Hope paused when he reached the ticklish part of her waist that he had pinched earlier.  He ran his tongue in delicate figure eights.  When his teeth bit into her flesh, a moan gurgled from deep within her throat.  Lightning’s hands settled onto the back of his head, urging him to leave a mark.  Not taking direction, he relaxed his jaw.  When her hands began frantically searching his body, he relented and sucked until a bruise bloomed.

As he rolled her shirt back down, he placed quick pecks, stopping just above a curly patch of pink hair.  He chuckled and playfully yanked the shirt down the rest of the way.  Lightning glared down, still not ready for him to finish.  The expression he gave her was the most unexpected thing so far.  She hadn’t seen such a face since the days when they’d first met.  Unadulterated determination.  Though, this wasn’t vengeance.  The two of them were now keenly aware that he’d never again allow another to touch her as he had.

* * *

When Lightning reached her room, she began tidying up.  She gathered up her dirty laundry and shoved it into a basket.   She pulled on a pair of shorts so she wouldn’t have to walk to the bathroom bare-assed.  Not that it had stopped her from moving between her and Hope’s room earlier.  Just as she was about to open the door, a loud knock reverberated across it.

“If you guys are finally decent, Serah’s making coffee and eggs,” Snow said from the other side.

“Wow, your family is sure made of early risers,” Meryl said, stretching her arms as she climbed off the bed.  “Do you mind if I take a shower before I walk of shame out of here.  I don’t want to be gross looking the last time they see me.”

“Stop acting like you’re never going to see them again.  Just because last night didn’t work out, doesn’t mean you can’t ever visit,” Lightning said.

The woman had latched onto the family like a lifeline since she’d moved to town.  If she’d made friends with anyone else over the past few weeks, Lightning knew nothing about it.

“Come on.  I hit on you since day one.  Even when I got to your house and realized how extremely moronic that was.  I could tell Hope was your lover from a mile away.”

Lighting placed a hand on her hip.  She tried to hold an even expression.

“Don’t pretend you weren’t.  You guys even left to fuck during dinner.  While I expect it from Snow, how Serah could be that oblivious is beyond me.  But I was feeling lonely enough to pursue it anyway.  Something about you reminded me of my wife, which should have been a red flag.  And for a while, things were good.  I thought, ‘maybe she’s actually interested in me.’ But SURPRISE!   The time that I finally make my move, what do you do?  You fuck him all night long.”

Meryl walked over to her and placed a hand on her shoulder.  “Congrats and all.  I’m glad I can bring you such great sex, but leave me out of it.”

The two of them left the room in opposite directions.  Meryl went down the hall to the restroom, and Lightning went up it to the kitchen.

“Morning,” Serah said, dropping eggs onto a plate.  “Can we talk for a second?”

Lightning leaned against the counter and crossed her arms.  This morning was proving to be unpredictable.  Her sister sucked in a deep breath.

“Lightning, we live here too.”

“I’m well aware of that,” she replied.

“Not just us, but a teenage boy.  And… And you can’t just be screwing until the sun comes up,” Serah said throwing her hand up in the air exasperatedly.  “Now I’m not saying you can’t do what you want in your own house.  But we could hear you this morning.  And if we could hear you across the hall, then Hope can definitely hear you in the next room.” 

Serah was completely red with embarrassment.

“Please, never bring this up again,” Lightning said, equally red.

“I feel like you and Meryl forgot you weren’t alone.  Trust me, I know the feeling.  But keep it down next time, or use one of the rooms in the annex,” Snow interrupted from the living room.

“Believe me.  Won’t be a problem, big guy,” Meryl said.

Serah and Lightning stepped out of the kitchen to see the woman and Snow standing in the living room.  She’d obviously abandoned the showering plan, she still looked disheveled.

“Decided that I just couldn’t stick around a second longer.  All of this crazy is too much for me.”  Meryl patted Snow’s shoulder sympathetically. “I thought you should be the first to know.  You are too nice for this shit.”  She casually pointed a finger at Lightning.  “She’s fucking the kid.  Anyway.  See yah.”

Meryl stepped out of the house, Serah dropped her frying pan to the floor, and Snow grabbed Lightning’s shirt.  He pulled her too him.

“Is this a joke? This better be the world’s worst fucking joke.  Because if it is, it’s in poor taste and I’m going to kill her for talking that way about my family.”

With terrible timing, Hope appeared in the hallway.

“Did I miss something?”

He carefully grabbed at Snow’s hold on Lightning.  “I thought you guys were over this by now.  Can you let her go?”

“Not till she tells me what the hell is going on,” he said, jerking her back and forth.

“Back the fuck off!” Hope said, as he started to wedge himself between them. 

He shoved at the larger man’s chest.  All this did was rattle Lightning around even further. The two of them violently shoved at each other, while the woman went limp.  Neither of them realized that she was dangling by her shirt, knees touching the floor.  Snow was only holding her by one hand so that he could fend off the boy with the other.

“Enough!” Serah shouted, as she dropped to her sister.

She stroked at her hair, and held her close.  Only hearing the younger woman shout caused anyone to stop.  They stood petrified as she clutched Lightning to her chest.

“I want answers as much as the rest of you, but that’s not how you’re going to get them.  Both of you get out.”

“Why should I leave? I’m not the one attacking her out of nowhere,” Hope said.

He crouched down to brush Lightning’s bangs from her eyes.  She glanced at him before tucking her face into her sister’s chest.

“Honey, do you think you can discuss this with Hope without killing each other?”  Serah said.

Snow dragged Hope out the door leaving the women alone.  The second they were in private, Lightning began sobbing.  Tears and mucus saturated her sister’s pajamas.  This had been the first time she’d cried in years.  Soon they carried more weight than this morning’s events.  She was lamenting the direction of her life.  Why had they not been able to save Alyssa?  Had she not tried hard enough?  Why had her parents passed?  Surely she could have done something then too.  Without their guidance she’d allowed herself to become a monster.  She had decided to be a better person, but she’d failed everyone under her care.  She was ruining Hope, who had utter faith in her.  Serah, Hope, Alyssa, all of them.  Everyone.

Serah just comforted her sister, saying nothing until Lightning lay in a ball on her lap.

“You ready?”

“What’s there to know?  It should be obvious.”

“That’s not what I’m asking.  I want to understand what you’re feeling right now.  You never let me in.”

“I promised to protect him.  When I made that promise, I didn’t know I wouldn’t be able to keep it.  The closer we grew, the more things developed into something else.  I became obsessed with every cell in his body and thought in his brain.  But I also know how wrong it is to act on it.  I am weaker than you and Snow believe me to be.  I couldn’t sustain that forever.”  Lightning sat up and continued, “I’ll leave.  I’m sure one of the guys at work will let me stay over until I can find placement in another town.  Honestly I should have done this a year ago.”

“You think that running away is going to solve your problems?”  Serah asked.  “You think that’s going to help him?  You think that’s ‘protecting’ him?”

“Isn’t it though?  Take me out of the equation and your lives return to normal.”

“You think I haven’t noticed the way you look at each other?  Your body language?  Everything about your interactions.  I’ve never seen you act like this around _anyone_.  Only someone as daft as my husband, bless him, would miss that the two of you are in love.  But then everything with Alyssa happened and suddenly you looked empty inside.  You looked worse off than when our parents passed.  Honestly, I had been concerned when you met Meryl.   When she came the first time, you look liked you’d resigned yourself to misery.

 “I’m not upset about you being with Hope.  I was caught off guard that you were already sleeping together right under my nose.  I’d assumed you’d been waiting.  Or that you would at least tell us.”

Serah wiped at a tear spilling down Lightning’s cheek.  She held out her finger for her sister observe.

“And _this_.  This right here is proof that you’re doing something right.  I’ve missed you, Claire, and if Hope is the cost of it?  I’m sure he’s eager to pay it whatever the price.”

 

**May**

“So, I guess we’re doing this,” Lightning said hesitantly.

 She bit her lip and slid Hope’s boxers down his legs.  The action was decidedly unsexy, like ripping off a bandage.  She opened her eyes from her squatting position and looked at his dick head-on.

“Huh,” she said, cocking her head around to look at it from all angles.

Hope gulped nervously.

“Are they always this,” she reached out to run a finger down the shaft, “large?”

She noticed his body shaking and looked up to see him failing to stifle laughter.

“Did I say something funny?” she said, knitting her eyebrows.

This was not going according to plan.  If there had been a plan.

“My dick has, literally, never gotten a response like that.  You have no idea how relieved I am that it will be your only one.”

He gasped slightly as she gripped it.  She wanted to squeeze the life out of his penis in a fit of unwarranted jealousy.

“Light,” he said while bringing his hand to hers, trying to redirect her focus.

She eventually stood up.  Directing her gaze up into his, she waited for him to speak.

“I didn’t mean to upset you.  Especially not right now,” he said waving his free hand between the two of them.  “You’ve been open with me about how this is a first for you.  Well, everything I’ve done with you has been a first for me.  If anything, I’m more embarrassed than you could ever be.  Reality is setting in, this is actually happening.  We are going to finally have sex.”

She rolled her eyes taking issue with his statement.  As far as she was concerned they’d had sex countless times in the past months.  His penis had happened to just not be a participant.  He’d gotten it into his head that he’d owed it to the Villiers to not have sex until he and Lightning had settled into their relationship.  She on the other hand, was perfectly content with his virginity falling into a grey area.  She’d suggested at least a “like for like” situation, but they’d both known that the second his shorts were down all bets were off.

So time passed with her living in a constant afterglow and him with only the consolation of keeping her satisfied.  When the arbitrary date had arrived, the entire household had been struck by a stomach virus.  Lightning had still put the offer on the table.  If it was something that he’d needed, she’d be willing to try.  Then she’d proceeded to vomit all over the bedspread.  This in turn, had caused him to vomit.  Eventually they’d had to abandon the idea and his room entirely.  They’d promised never to speak of that morning again.  Over a week had passed since then.

Though he wasn’t throwing up this time, he was having a minor meltdown.  As if he were the only one with things to be embarrassed about.  Yesterday, he had not been the one writhing naked on the workbench with someone’s face between her legs when Snow barreled in looking for a hammer.  Out of guilt, Snow’d then privately offered to keep Serah out of the house for a day.

Lightning kissed Hope’s neck and gave it a gentle nip.

“I’m terrified you’re going to be disappointed,” he said.

She resumed gently stroking his dick.  She decided it was time to interrupt.

“If history is any indication, you always leave me satisfied.   So what makes you think I’d be disappointed with any part of you?  And honestly, largest damn erect dick I’ve ever seen.  Cross my heart.”

He stepped out of his boxers and lifted her onto his bed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope. I know that I broke with tradition, but not everyone can be well-endowed. Forgive me.
> 
> Also I almost made a "dickhead on, dick head-on" pun... but I kept it chill and didn't. Cuz I'm classy like that.


	7. Fathers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Final Chapter. It will be written from Hope's POV.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first line of chapter one was an observation of Hope. He was privileged the first line of dialogue. This is just as much about his journey as it is about Light, so he's getting the last word :)
> 
> [Ch 7 Mp3 on Dropbox](https://www.dropbox.com/s/mp2it8m9k57dhur/NALTch7Fathers.mp3?dl=0)

**Year 4AF – Fathers**

**July**

“I have something we need to address as a family,” Hope said.

The group had been lounging in the living room after dinner.  Serah was knitting, Lightning was whittling, and Snow was reading.  The book was something about grafting citrus trees.  He’d decided that a vegetable garden was not enough; he wanted to fully sustain their dietary needs with his own hands.  Meat he’d killed, plants he’d harvested.  Hope would never admit it, but he was looking forward to oranges alongside the miniscule limes Snow already grew.

“Gods alive, you two aren’t pregnant are you?” the man said, looking up from his book.

“Of course not,” Lightning said, chucking her project toward his head.

“Funny you should mention parenting,” Hope said, every facial muscle contorting and tensing.  “I’ve been in contact with one of mine.”

“What?” Lightning was the only one to speak. 

Everyone else just held a blank stare.

“You all remember when I applied to take correspondence courses with the university?  It turns out my father was a shadow partner in the entire endeavor.  So when my name showed up in the system… Well, he called me.”

“Bartholomew has been alive this whole time, but he never came for you?” Lightning said.

She arose and approached Hope.   Taking his hands in hers, she waited for an answer.

“It’s all very technical,” he said, wincing.  “At least that’s how he put it.  While all my legal documents here have me registered as Hope Estheim, this is not the case for the global census.  I appear as Hope Villiers.  And this part we all know:  during the first year they wiped our names from the records in relation to the l’Cie manhunt.  Paperwork, video files, everything.  Snow had only introduced himself by his first name, and Light is registered under her given name.  He hadn’t known where to look.”

“That’s bullshit.  There is no reason he couldn’t find you by now,” she said, her rage rising to the surface.

“You think I don’t know that, Light?” he said softly.

He let go of her hands and pulled her into a hug.  Resting his head on her shoulder, he breathed in her scent.  No one was going to like what he had to say next.  Placing a peck on her cheek, he readied himself.

“He’s asked me to live with him.  The university staff has never seen scores like mine.  They want me there with a scholarship and paid internship.  The entire thing is unprecedented.  We agreed that it was in my best interest to go.”

“What? We?” she said, pulling away from him.

“You know.  The school, me, my father.”

“That’s wonderful, Hope.  I don’t know what to say,” Serah said trying to inject life into the room.

At least someone was siding with him.  It was beginning to feel like he and Lightning were going to have an argument in front of a silent audience.  He’d meant for this to be a family discussion, not an attack.  He’d also expected more of a response when he mentioned his father’s existence.  Instead everyone had micro-focused on _his_ future.  Lightning had been more dramatic about the pregnancy jibe.

“ _We_ agreed to nothing,” Lightning said.

“It’s still a good thing right, congrats kid,” Snow awkwardly interjected.

“Can’t you just be happy for me?” Hope said, more dejected than anything.

“I…I can’t deal with this right now,” she said.

With that, she retreated down the hallway.  He followed immediately after; aware that he’d gone about this is the wrong manner.  Discussing anything with her had always been an act of funambulism.  Any wrong word and he’d be flung off the rope to his death, or at least to the losing side of the conversation.

“Let me in,” he called meekly into the room.  Silence.  “Please.”

The door slowly opened.  They both sat on the bed.  She refused to look at him.

“I’m terrible with this ‘feelings’ shit.  You know that.  Believe me when I tell you, I _am_ happy for you.  All of this is a fucking miracle no one was prepared for.”  She tapped her shoulder to his.  “I just can’t believe you never told me.  I am your partner, Hope.  That means you trust me first.  You come to me first.  I deserve more than to be blindsided in front of everyone.”

She leaned in and began kissing him, trying to redirect her frustration.  She’d always used physicality to express herself, but recently she tried to win every disagreement with sex.  Though Hope had conceded on every occasion prior, this time they needed to work through the problem at hand.

“I do trust you most.  I love you.  So, I was scared of what this might mean for us.  I thought that if I ignored it, maybe it didn’t actually happen.  The possibility of leaving you, it terrifies me,” he said.

“It’s not forever.  I’ll always be here,” she said.

“What if I don’t come back?  What if something changes?  What if you find someone else?”

She placed his palm to her heart.  “And you’ll always be _here_.  I love you,” she said, touching her forehead to his. “We can never predict the future.  Living on Pulse is proof of that.  You are the only person I’ve ever loved.  That won’t easily change.  But don’t think you’re off the hook for not telling me something so damn important.”

“How about this,” he suggested.  “If for some reason you find yourself incapable of telling me something, I’ll wait until you’re ready.  No judgement.”

“Like that’ll ever happen,” she said, glaring before biting his ear angrily.

He’d inured to her glares over the years.  The fact that she even bothered gave him a sense of satisfaction.  It meant that she couldn’t read him nearly as easily as he could her.  Not that he enjoyed keeping secrets; he loathed it.  But something could be said for a bit of mystery.

 

**December**

Hope flicked through screens on his monitors.  He was absorbing the information, but found the task tedious.  The assignments his department had given him were becoming less compelling by the day.  It was clear to he and his coworkers that he’d be better suited to anything else.  His superior had just finished negotiations with another department about Hope’s transfer when the man returned to the lab.

“Hey, Estheim, there’s a call for you,” the man said, slouching into his chair and loosening his tie.

”I take it didn’t go well?” Hope said swiveling in his chair.

“It went just dandy.  They are moving you up the damn ladder.  The director himself wants to work with you.”

“Oh.” Hope wasn’t sure if he should be openly pleased in front of his colleagues.

“Anyway, get your ass out there.  Someone claiming to be your dad is talking poor Tom’s ear off.”

Hope grimaced.  Why of all people would Snow be calling him at work?  Serah called him on weekends during the evening, and then Snow would briefly interrupt before returning to whatever asinine activity he found fascinating. Hope stepped over to the phone and dialed Tom to relieve the poor secretary of Snow.  A small click and suddenly the overwhelming man came on the line.

“So like I said, if you ever see a rash like that on your,” Snow continued unknowingly to Hope.

“Please, never finish that sentence.”

“Hope, took you long enough.”

“This better be an emergency,” he sighed, painfully aware that everyone in the lab was staring at him.

It wasn’t unusual to get familial phone calls.  The matter was simply that the young man kept to himself.  This was the first his coworkers had heard of any semblance of home life.  Surely if they were asked, at least one would respond that Hope had been assembled somewhere within the facility.

“Well, yes and no.  You see I had to call now because if any of the women knew I were calling they’d kill me.  I had to take the opportunity when neither of them are home.  So just remember I am your advocate here.  I am on your side.  Even though everyone else isn’t.  Saying crap like it’s Lightning’s decision to tell you or not.”

“Tell me what?”  Hope’s voice lifted with nervousness.

He felt his heart begin to race as panic filled his body.  Surely she’d inform him if something dire had happened.  Wouldn’t she?  Didn’t she at least care about him enough for that?  She hadn’t mentioned anything when they spoke the other night.

“Well,” Snow paused to weigh his options, “I technically can’t be the one to tell you.  The girls are right on that.”

“She’s injured isn’t she?  Please tell me she’s safe.”

Hope had lost the placid demeanor he usually assumed at work.

“She’s.  Uhm.  Different maybe?  No that’s not right.  I mean I’m really overstepping my bounds here, kid.  But I can say this.  Visit.  Visit soon; because I don’t want you to blame me for not warning you ahead of time when it’s too late.”

“Too Late? She’s dying isn’t she?”  Hope’s hands shook as he clutched the phone.

“No, she’s not dying,” Snow’s usual tone softened, “but she is having regular doctor’s appointments.  I’ll see you soon kid.”

“Fuck that, I’m taking the first flight home.”  Hope slammed the phone in its cradle.

The man hadn’t noticed that all of his colleagues had crowded around him; his superior was even gripping his shoulder.

“Estheim?”  The older man released his hold. “Is there anything you need?”

“I don’t even know at this point.  Time off I think.”  Hope removed his glasses to pinch the bridge of his nose.

“No problem.”

Hope also knew he needed answers.  Why couldn’t Snow just tell him exactly what was happening?  He wasn’t sure whether to scream or sit back down at his desk and pretend nothing had happened.  After gentle persuasion, he logged out and returned to his apartment to pack.

* * *

Hope fumbled with the keys to the apartment, only to realize the door was unlocked.  He immediately saw his father sitting at the couch waiting for him.

“What is this I hear about you asking for leave and running off to that godforsaken town,” Bartholomew said.

Hope ignored his father and made his way to his bedroom.  Upon entering the disturbingly sterile space, he flung open the mirrored doors of his closet and starting throwing clothes on the bed.

“You can’t ignore me, son.  I rushed home as soon as I got word of your meltdown.  Regardless of what’s going on, we have that ambassador’s dinner tomorrow.  Everyone’s eager to learn about what life is like on the less civilized areas of Pulse.  I mean, honestly, most colonies rebuilt near ruins.  Yet there you were, in what barely classifies as a village.”

Throwing his empty suitcase on the bed, Hope finally responded.

“A village you were quite content to leave me in for four years.  I thought you were dead.  You, however, have no excuse.  You knew exactly where I was.”

“There is no reason to rehash this.  All I want is for you to clean up this mess, calm down, and give me an explanation,” Bartholomew said, easing into an armchair.

“What’s the point? I’m sure someone debriefed you as they drove you home,” the young man said bitterly.

“However you may think of me, I don’t spy on you.”

“You don’t actually care about me either,” Hope said shoving things into the suitcase.  “You’ve been absent my whole damn life.  I left my only family for the chance to get to know you.  If Light hadn’t been so adamant about it, I doubt I’d have stayed here this long.”

“We _are_ spending time together.  As mentioned, we have that mandatory dinner tomorrow.”

“A business meeting?  You think that a meeting qualifies.  Tell me, Dad.  Name one thing you’ve learned about me?  Wait, I’ll give you a clue.”

He walked up to his nightstand.  On it was a framed photo.  The picture was of the Farron-Villiers-Estheim-Zaidelle clan the day Alyssa had officially joined the family.  The adults stood in the back, while the youngest members stood in front of them.  Out of all the photos they’d taken over the years, Hope was partial to this one.  Snow and Serah each had a hand on Alyssa’s shoulder.  The girl had an arm locked with Hope’s.  Lastly, Lightning was resting her head on his shoulder and had an arm wrapped around his chest.  This image was the only proof that the woman ever smiled.

“Who’s this?” Hope said, pointing to the blonde girl.  “You’ve never once asked me about her.  Do you already know?  Or do you just not care?”

Bartholomew squirmed in his chair.  For the first time that evening, he looked tongue-tied.

“Well?” Hope asked, dropping the frame into his father’s lap.

“What do you want me to say?  It’s not a matter of not caring.  You’ve never brought it up, so I didn’t see the point of asking about an ex-girlfriend.”

Hope bit his lip.  Even mentioning Alyssa brought with it the reality of Lightning’s situation.  There was no time to be arguing with his father, he needed to go home.  Wrinkled clothing shoved inefficiently in the suitcase, he struggled with the zipper.  Finally, he grabbed his luggage and tried to exit the room.  Bartholomew stood up and blocked the doorway.

“Alyssa Zaidelle was not my girlfriend.”

Bartholomew’s eyebrow twitched; he was waiting for more.

“You spent your entire life leaving me to other people.  Leaving me to mom, leaving me to Light, leaving me to the Villiers.  I doubt you could ever understand the flipside of that.  The willingness to care for someone and expect nothing in return.  The people in this photo?  They are the only family I’ve known on Pulse.  Alyssa wasn’t my girlfriend.  She was my sister,” Hope said, tugging at his hair. “We lost her last year.  So if,” Hope gripped his father’s shoulders, nails biting into the fabric, “I get a phone call that my family needs me, don’t expect me to be you.  Light is my partner.  I can’t go through this again.  Not with her.”

No longer able to contain his emotions, his rage bled into anguish.  His father wrapped his arms around him as he slumped into the embrace.  They held each other until Hope became restless.  He still needed to get to her.  Feeling his son wriggle free, Bartholomew spoke.  The man would find the soonest flight out for his son.  While he still needed to attend his meeting, he himself would catch a flight the following evening.

* * *

It took Hope seven hours across one velocycle, one flight, and one ill-conceived chocobo-taxi to arrive at the Farron-Villiers doorstep.  Everything about his home was exactly as he remembered it.  He’d worried that after four months that it wouldn’t feel right anymore.  As if his abandoning the house would likewise cause it to reject him.  Instead, the flowers in the front garden stilled smelled like his first kiss.  Lightning’s pile of scrap lumber was still leaning against her workshop.  Every other minute feature seemed there to remind him of how madly in love with her he was.  Had he honestly worried that any time spent away would lessen his feelings?

He opened the door and stepped through the threshold.  Serah looked up from setting plates on the table for dinner.

“Hope,” she whispered and tackled him in a hug.  “I didn’t expect you.”   The woman began crying.  “I also didn’t expect to miss you this much.  It’s only been a couple of months.”

“Of course you’d miss your only son,” Hope answered snarkily and tried to peel her arms away from him.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, releasing him.

“Your favorite hero called him,” Snow said, strutting into the room.

Serah’s face sunk.  “You told him didn’t you?  Lightning doesn’t need any more reasons to kill you.”

“Actually, no one told me anything.  That’s why I’m here,” Hope said hesitantly.

Serah raised her eyebrows, appraising her husband.  Snow shrugged clearly pleased with himself.  She called him a good boy and patted him playfully on the chest.

“Can I see Light?”  Hope said quietly, worried of the answer.

“Why don’t you take this over.  She’s been a little rundown today.”

Serah grabbed a plate and filled it with a mystery meat that Snow had obviously cooked.  Hope took the dish and began a somber walk towards the hallway.

“She’s in your room,” Snow said to Hope’s back.

He quickly pivoted with a questioning look on his face.

“You have the most comfortable bed,” Serah supplied, a knowing smile on her face.

The more information Hope accumulated, the more terrified he became that Light was in fact on her deathbed.  He had an irrational fear that if he were to knock on the door, she would lock him out.  Then he wouldn’t see her one last time before she passed away.  He forcefully threw the door open, eyes closed.

“I won’t take no for an answer, how long do you have left?” Hope shouted.

“Four months.”

“What?!” Hope shrieked and finally opened his eyes.

Lightning was lying on top of the bed, with her back resting on the headboard.  Her hair had grown past her shoulder and was styled in a way similar to the day they’d first met.  While she had every right to be angry by his intrusion, she only smiled when she met his gaze.

Hope wanted to be infuriated.   He wanted to let her know the anxiety he felt on the way there.

Instead, he was overwhelmed with another emotion entirely.  His eyes wandered her up and down, not computing.  His brain could not process the image he was taking in. It registered the small things like: she had a book in her hand, her shirt was the same blue as her eyes, her feet were shoeless and crossed at the ankles, one of her hands was held out toward him.  He stood rigid as he mentally rebooted.

Hope set Lightning’s dinner gently on the floor and slunk onto the bed next to her.  He took her extended hand in his, and then placed both their hands and his head against her belly.

“Are you crying?” she said, gently ruffling his silver hair.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he said stroking the mound and tentatively giving it a kiss.

“I knew that if I even mentioned it, you’d come rushing home.  I was going to tell you eventually of course.   I’ve tried a couple times already, but each time I felt like I’d missed the timing.  Suddenly it felt impossible to bring up.”

“Of course I would come home.”  He looked up, meeting her nervous gaze.

“Exactly.  We’ve been over this a thousand times.  I want you to take all the opportunities you can.”

“Then give me the one opportunity I desire most.  Come with me.”  He pulled her hand from his hair and kissed it.

“What?”

“I don’t know what you’re holding back for.  Heads up, I’ve known how I’ve felt about you since day one.  And it’s not the day you think.” He sat up so that he was level with her. “Before the fireworks festival, I was shopping with my mother.  You were there in full uniform.  Of course you wouldn’t have noticed.  But for me the moment was electric.  So when I saw you in the vestige, I knew it wasn’t a mistake.  I was meant to be with you.”  He left out a soft chuckle and added, “No fourteen year-old in his right mind would chase after someone who wanted nothing to do with them.  I loved you first.  I will always love you.  The chase is over; follow me this time, Light.”

Hope ran his fingertips along her jawline.  He then kissed her, hoping it may sway her decision somehow.  Not that it ever had before.

“If you think calling _first_ is what counts, you are gravely mistaken.  I cared for you, just differently. What’s important is that I fell in love with the person you became.  But I knew that if I loved you, you’d lose more than you gained.  No one wants their partner to be a father at eighteen.”

“I have a simple remedy,” Hope said with a mischievous grin. “Society won’t question my fatherhood if I’m your husband.”

He kissed her again, urging her to respond.

“If you won’t take no for an answer.  If you still want me.”  She closed her eyes. “Then I give up.  I’ll go with you.”

“And?” he asked.

“Don’t get ahead of yourself.”

“So that’s a _maybe_?” he said hopefully.

“That’s a ‘don’t ask me when I’m pregnant.’  I feel like I’m forcing your hand.”

“Alright.  Four months then.  I’ll get down on one knee.   The whole shebang.  Be prepared.”

This time she initiated the kiss and began unfastening his white and yellow uniform.

“Lock the door,” she whispered into his ear.

Instead Hope stripped off his jacket and began removing her blouse.

“I don’t know about you, but I’ve had no sex in four months.  I can’t be bothered to leave you for a second,” he said, unhooking her bra and sliding it away from her body.  He threw it over his head and it landed in the hallway.  “They’ll get the message soon enough.  We have something to celebrate.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking around for Needing a Little Time. I appreciate it :D  
> As a bonus for reading on AO3, you get to a playlist!  
> I wrote the entire story out of order. Literally I wrote part of Ch 6 first, then Ch 1, then bits of Ch 3. So on and so forth. To make sure I had them emotionally in the right place, I had to build a playlist of their character arcs that I could reference.
> 
> [Lightning's Arc on Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/user/r-armchair/playlist/6XQ30Z8gv7fFXyZ33E4zIq)  
> Blame it on the Changes - Dashboard Confessional  
> What Sarah Said - Death Cab for Cutie  
> Trees - The Oh Hellos  
> After the Fall - Kodaline  
> Rollercoaster - Bleachers  
> Let's Be Still - The Head and the Heart  
> Shattered - The Trucks  
> Feels Like the First Time - Foreigner  
> Lukewarm - Plushgun  
> Satellite Heart - Anya Marina
> 
> [Hope's Arc on Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/user/r-armchair/playlist/2tMq3GRwdAtmwXydA72leT)  
> I'm Your Man - Chris Koster  
> Everyone Will Die - Motion City Soundtrack  
> Anything at All - Motion City Soundtrack  
> In the Next Room - Neon Trees  
> Hands Down - Dashboard Confessional  
> Completely Pleased - Semisonic  
> Rivers and Roads - The Head and the Heart  
> Heirloom - Sleeping at Last  
> It's Time - Imagine Dragons
> 
> Anyway, Thanks Again!  
> Lots of Love!  
> R-Armchair


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